Faith

If this current trip we are on in our life is teaching me anything, it is that you must have faith. I have always had faith that the Lord would take care of me and provide for me. I mean come on, do you know how many times I should have wrecked or worse when I was bar hopping? LOTS.
But I believe I was mostly taken care of during those times because I was being protected through the faith of others. My faith has wavered over the years from non existant to having nothing else to hold on to but FAITH. For example when Ethan was in the NICU, we lived off faith he would be home soon.

Now... well, now I have had to gut check myself and ask myself am I truly living what I am teaching on Sunday's to the preschoolers or even saying to my son. Do I sincerely believe in my faith? The answer was, "I don't know". I was unsure where I stood on my faith. I knew I had it somewhere but unsure where. I was constantly asking why me? Why now?

Looking back on things I realize a few things about myself. A. I am a stubborn mule. I am as stubborn as my momma and as stubborn as her momma was. I am self sufficient and absolutely HATE to call on anyone else.
B. I seriously lack my momma's and grandmother's faith. They may be and were stubborn but they always knew who to turn to when they needed Him most, God. The I Am.
C. I am working on my stubbornness now.

I sat down one day while here by myself and just prayed. Prayed like I have never prayed before. I had to completely trust the Lord that we will be taken care of and provided for. Slowly but surely I am seeing His work in all of this. There has not been one easy decision made in all of this mess but the I am learning just how easy it is to trust in Jesus. I was asked how are we going to make this month's car payment? My answer, I have no idea yet. All I know is I am praying to take things one day at a time and praying for strength and faith. Is the car payment paid? No- but things are falling into place where it will be able to be paid soon.

I realized this afternoon while driving to meet Matt for lunch that the Lord knew this was going to happen. Yet, he blessed us with another child on the way. He knows we can handle it. The Lord knew this was going to happen, this could be one reason we did not buy a house this past year when we were working so hard on it.

I don't know what tomorrow holds but right now I know that I must remain faithful and trust the Lord. I sometimes just stop and talk to Him. It helps me clear my mind too.