My Ramblings

18 Week Pregnancy Update

2012-01-25T14:34:00.000-06:00

Weeks: 18w 1d

Size: About 5 1/2 inches long. Size of a bell pepper.

Feeling: Great, minus severe headaches almost daily. My fasting and morning blood sugars are running high. I figure we will up those next week.

Sex: Unsure- find out in 10 days

Cravings: This week is chips and dip. I don't crave one thing in particular. A few weeks ago it was cereal and milk of all kinds.

Faith

2012-01-19T14:23:00.000-06:00

If this current trip we are on in our life is teaching me anything, it is that you must have faith. I have always had faith that the Lord would take care of me and provide for me. I mean come on, do you know how many times I should have wrecked or worse when I was bar hopping? LOTS.
But I believe I was mostly taken care of during those times because I was being protected through the faith of others. My faith has wavered over the years from non existant to having nothing else to hold on to but FAITH. For example when Ethan was in the NICU, we lived off faith he would be home soon.

Now... well, now I have had to gut check myself and ask myself am I truly living what I am teaching on Sunday's to the preschoolers or even saying to my son. Do I sincerely believe in my faith? The answer was, "I don't know". I was unsure where I stood on my faith. I knew I had it somewhere but unsure where. I was constantly asking why me? Why now?

Looking back on things I realize a few things about myself. A. I am a stubborn mule. I am as stubborn as my momma and as stubborn as her momma was. I am self sufficient and absolutely HATE to call on anyone else.
B. I seriously lack my momma's and grandmother's faith. They may be and were stubborn but they always knew who to turn to when they needed Him most, God. The I Am.
C. I am working on my stubbornness now.

I sat down one day while here by myself and just prayed. Prayed like I have never prayed before. I had to completely trust the Lord that we will be taken care of and provided for. Slowly but surely I am seeing His work in all of this. There has not been one easy decision made in all of this mess but the I am learning just how easy it is to trust in Jesus. I was asked how are we going to make this month's car payment? My answer, I have no idea yet. All I know is I am praying to take things one day at a time and praying for strength and faith. Is the car payment paid? No- but things are falling into place where it will be able to be paid soon.

I realized this afternoon while driving to meet Matt for lunch that the Lord knew this was going to happen. Yet, he blessed us with another child on the way. He knows we can handle it. The Lord knew this was going to happen, this could be one reason we did not buy a house this past year when we were working so hard on it.

I don't know what tomorrow holds but right now I know that I must remain faithful and trust the Lord. I sometimes just stop and talk to Him. It helps me clear my mind too.

Changes Abound Everywhere

2012-01-18T12:34:00.000-06:00

After praying and discussing things as a family, we decided to pull Ethan from CCS. Honestly, it was the toughest decision we have made as parents thus far. However, the Lord opened a door for us. He is now going to attend Riverchase Day School M-F from 9-1. It is a savings of $500/month plus he learns about God still and even goes to Chapel. Some of the things he learns in 3K he is doing already, which is a plus. I am trying my best to talk the new school up as much as possible and get him really excited about it. We will go this weekend or next week to choose his very own lunchbox to take with him.

The time he is at RDS, I will be able to keep the house clean and have some time to myself each day. Plus, it allows for Dr. appointments to be scheduled without having to take him. So, I guess I need to buy some gym clothes and velour jump suits don't I? LOL. Isn't that what SAHM wear? KIDDING.
I have been able to clean out all closets and toys. We donated 11 bags of clothes, shoes and toys to Salvation Army. I have 2 bags of clothes of Ethan's but we are waiting until we find out the sex before we get rid of those.
Luckily for us, consignment time is right around the corner and we find out about 2 weeks before it starts up. SO EXCITED FOR CONSIGNMENT SHOPPING!!!!

Ethan is a handfull these days, in a completely good way. He has the sweetest heart but also has the nastiest attitude when he wants to- kind of like his mommy. Oops. He is hysterical and loves to laugh and make others laugh, just like his daddy. He has a heart for learning too.
We have had a tough time with getting him up and ready for school in the mornings lately that led me to change his bedtime routine. See, we used to let him watch cartoons until late at night. Obviously not the best decision but it is getting better.
Now, he can cuddle for a few minutes then around 8p has to go to his room. He can either listen to his Sunday School Sing Along CD (which I catch myself listening to without him around) or his Clifford CD while playing with his Leapfrog or watch cartoons. Either way his TV goes off at 9pm and he is to cuddle with Clifford and Mr. Bunny and go to sleep. It is working, so far. We may have to read a book to calm him down but he hasn't started fighting us on it.
We also have started some discipline techiniques that seem to work. For instance, we have a dry erase board on our refridge. If he gets a sad face, he goes to time out. 1st warning is an eye, 2nd an eye and 3rd is a frown.
If we are out, he gets 1 warning and the 2nd warning is the toy we have with us taken away.
These have seem to cut down on his acting out and screaming NO at us as loud as he can.
*** Note to self: Karma does in fact exist***

Now if you will excuse me, I am off to cook a chicken in the crock pot. Let's hope I do not burn it.

My Dear God Letter

2012-01-04T13:00:00.000-06:00

Consider this a glimpse into how I talk with God.

Lord, I am not yet sure what your plan is for me and my family in this latest chapter of our lives. I am unemployed and currently things look bleak. I have had interviews but nothing comes of it, I feel because of my pregnancy. I know I am not inadequate when it comes to the corporate world. Although, with the constant rejection I am starting to feel as if I am right back in high school again. Ya remember how many times I felt rejected then, right? Looking back, glad I was rejected by most.

Do you want me to stay at home with Ethan and our baby? If so, please give myself and Matt a peace about this. Right now, as it stands, we are both terrified about making ends meet and about having to pull Ethan from school. He learns soo much there and loves you sooo much Lord that I don't want to take not only his education but I don't want to take away his learning of you and your love for him. As we watched Passion 2012 a little earlier today he told me he loves you oh so much. I know I can teach him about your love as I do and try to every day but right now I feel I will be oh so inadequate.

I feel sometimes this is your way of making us stop and learn to live life simpler. To make us learn to appreciate what is given and what we have instead of wanting more more and more.

I just need some reassurance from you Lord. I know you will give it in your time and your time alone. In the mean time, could you give me peace? Could you help me to learn to be okay with our situation and know that you will always provide. We may never own our own house but we will always have a roof over our head. We may never have a lifestyle of luxury but we will always have love. Plus, who wants a huge house to clean? I can't stand cleaning this apartment as it is.

Thanks for letting me vent and write out what you already know is in my heart.
.

Goodbye 2011 and Hello 2012!!!

2012-01-02T17:16:00.000-06:00

2012, you have to be better than 2011 was to me. If there is one word to sum up 2011, it would have to be cancer.
My stepdad developed cancer of the tongue, my SIL discovered she has cancer, a sweet 3 yr old is going through treatments for leukemia and a sweet 3 yr old is in for the fight of his life tomorrow with his 3rd brain surgery for his brain cancer. Lastly, our church family and community lost a sweet soul at 10 yrs old to cancer, Evan.
Needless to say- CANCER SUCKS! It makes me wonder what are we doing that is causing this life sucking disease to harm those that have done nothing to deserve it? I think we need to step back and examine what all we are eating & doing to cause this. My friend, Jenn at the Regal Pup, has very valid points on what we are doing with food and even cleaning supplies.
I am no health nut or new age must use all organic products but it has to be a link.

I pray that 2012 is a life of nothing but health for our family, including our sweet baby to be born in June.

I have no resolutions because I find them to be pointless and stupid. However, there are some things I would like to accomplish in the new year, outside of finding a job. I would like to learn how to sew by taking classes at a shop around here. I would like to be more crafty. I love making items and food. I want to continue to focus on that.
I want to be a better mother, wife and daughter. I take a lot for granted and one day there will be nothing to be taken for granted. I have to have a closer relationship with God. I have to start praying more often. I am not going to lie, I only bow my head in prayer when I need something, this has to change. I have a lot to be grateful for.

Since it is my birthday, I am going to go enjoy it with my two favorite guys and 2 favorite doogies.

Pregnancy Update: 11 weeks and 6 days

2011-12-12T19:12:00.001-06:00

Far Along: 12 weeks

Weight gain: - 4lbs (thank God, with Ethan I had gained like 15 lbs by now)

Cravings: Nothing in particular.

Names: Yes, we have chosen some. We changed the girl's name from the original thought.

Moods: Nothing like last pregnancy. I am more mellow this time around.

Boy: Russell Carter Collier

Girl: Amelia Grace Collier

Tummy at 11 weeks and 5 days

baby "Leroy" doing a headstand! Did not want to have the picture taken.

I would have updated this a lot sooner but last week the stomach bug decided to infiltrate our house. First with Ethan, then Matt, then me. I was the only one that ran a fever, thank goodness. I felt so horrible, I wanted my momma. Which worked out because neither one of us could really take care of Ethan. Matt's mom had the bug last week as well so we couldn't call her and risk her getting sick again and we have great friends up this way and I have a wonderful step mom that lives near by but I just needed my momma. I only hope my children still have that need as they get older. I hope they always know that no matter what happens in this life, mommy & daddy will always love them and support them. We may sometimes be disappointed in their choices but never disappointed in who they are as a person.

A pneumonia Iron Bowl

2011-12-07T12:28:00.000-06:00

Thanksgiving came and went with me being sick. I thought nothing of it though. Just my usual illness. Turns out come the Monday after Thanksgiving I had pneumonia and had to stay the night in the hospital. Yea, that was fun. Supposedly your immune system is extremely weakened when pregnant. Go figure.

I am now officially staying home, unemployed. Ethan is in daycare still. Until we can not afford it, he will continue with CCS. I could never teach him as well as they do.
Speaking of which, he is home today with some type of stomach bug. Napping in our bed right now, thank God. Mommy's patience are thinned out right now.

The holiday season is picking up for us. We have Christmas with daddy and Grandma on Saturday, then getting our Christmas tree and decorate it. We are also going to make sugar cookies and ride around looking at lights. This is the last Christmas just the 3 of us and I want to make it as special for Ethan as possible. I am loving this age and Christmas for him. He knows it is all about Jesus and his birthday but he loves Santa and everything related to Christmas. Seeing him smile and his eyes sparkle makes my entire heart swell and burst. As some say, my cup runneth over.

In some ways I am enjoying not being employed this Christmas. It is forcing us to enjoy the season and reason and not spend spend spend. I am making gifts for our families, except the guys. I don't think I can make them something manly. LOL. We aren't buying stuff that will be filed away, we are putting our time and effort into each gift we make with lots of thought and love. Trust me. I have been thinking about each persons gift for a long time now.

Good news on the insulin front, since I am not working with JNP any longer, my stress level has gone down tremendously. In turn, my blood sugar readings have all been normal. YAY. Praise the Lord. No insulin.
As I go along, I could possibly still develop gestational diabetes but we will worry about that when it gets there.

Ok. I have to go and make sure the vomit in Ethan's comforter came out. First I am going to list items I would love for Christmas. What? I love lists and I love making Christmas Lists.

Hounds tooth rain boots
Washing machine- ours only works on the delicate cycle
new tires

That is it. Not too much huh? LOL.

Long Time Overdue Update

2011-11-21T12:46:00.000-06:00

Well, there have been a lot of changes since my last post. I am feeling rather bullet style so we will go with that.

As of November 30- I will be with out a job. Our office is closing the doors in Birmingham; moving to Orlando, FL.
"Leroy" is on track for a June 27th due date.
I DO NOT have type 2 diabetes but rather my hormones already playing havoc on my body. The Dr. said had I not been pregnant, she would have told me to monitor and change my diet only.
I am now on 10 units of insulin at night and 2 units before each meal. Yay me. I get to carry around an insulin pen. It is so thrilling to shoot myself up before I eat.
Not sure what will happen once the job ends. I have applied to more places than I know of and of course, not hearing from anyone. I am trying to be faithful and understand that the Lord will provide.
The thought of having to pull Ethan from daycare and be a SAHM scares the shit out me. Sorry but it does. I think a SAHM is the hardest job out there because if your child fails, you are the person to blame, not a daycare.
Positive side: I can now go all crafty & start making some items from pinterest. WOO HOO.

Enough bulletin points. I will hide all Auburn fans who become obnoxious over the course of this week. ROLL TIDE ROLL! GO IOWA STATE! GO BAYLOR!

Diabetes-BB-LSU vs. BAMA

2011-11-04T13:25:00.000-05:00

Yesterday I was able to get into the endorcinologist at St. Vincent's. Once she heard my sugar levels I had recorded fasting, she understood why my OB had referred me and wanted me in so quickly.

Dr. Sohn put me on insulin at bedtime. She said it is possible I could begin taking insulin up to 2x daily and perhaps with an insulin pen before each meal. BUT- God hears prayers y'all. I can not stress this enough. My sugar levels, outside of fasting level, have been at or under where they needed to be since I saw her yesterday. If I can continue following a relatively low carb diet, then I hope to be okay on just 10 units.

I am to attend the diabetes education class here soon. Another 4 hour class that will completely bore me. Ugh. Oh well. This time Matt will attend with me so he can better understand what it is I need to do.

So- as of right now, yes, I am diabetic. I hope to start getting this under control through diet and excercise come June 2012- until then, we will do what the Dr. say is best for me and the baby.

In other news, I am so sad that our beloved BB passed. She was in the hospital for 2 weeks before the Lord decided to call her home. I have not seen a death affect so many people in such a long time. It is odd because all of the preparations everyone is doing for the family, that is what Brenda would be doing.
She was the perfect example of the lady from Proverbs. She served her Lord and family to the best of her abilities. She was a complete servant. She is going to be missed.
The good news is, we will see her again. She had her homecoming sooner than we wanted but the Lord needs her there for His reason.
Pray for her family that they can have the healing they need. Her illness was very onset and non expected.

In lighter news, tomorrow is the SEC version of the National Championship. LSU vs. Alabama in Tuscaloosa. With everything going on this week- I haven't had too much time to focus on the game and read what everyone is saying and not saying.I am very excited for tomorrow night. I will be serving miniature corn dogs in honor of the smack down we hope to take place in Tuscaloosa.

I will keep everyone updated on the situation with diabetes, just please continue to pray I can keep it under control.

1st Doctor Appointment

2011-11-02T18:12:00.000-05:00

Today was our first appointment of what appears to be many and with more than one Dr. LOL.

Our ultrasound did indeed confirm we are pregnant but it also put our due date off a tad bit. I will go back in 2 weeks for another ultra sound to adjust the due date and listen to the heart beat.

The other news is that I am being referred to the endocrinologist for diabetes. This is what I absolutely love about my Dr. She listened to what my sugars had been running and immediately jumped on the situation.

The cool part is yes, I have to see a high risk pregnancy for the 18 week ultrasound to make sure the baby is developing correctly, BUT they have high tech fancy ultrasounds. :)

I will continue to monitor my sugar and have to really focus on what I put in my mouth and get some excercise. At least 20 minutes daily of walking.

Hopefully, I can maintain healthy blood glucose range through diet and some excercise alone and not have to go on insulin.

However, if I do, I have full trust in the Lord that this is all part of His plan for us.

So...

Far Along: Questionable- 5.5 weeks according to US but Dr. is saying 6 weeks. Will know more in 2 weeks.

Feeling: outside of fall weather playing tricks on my sinuses, I feel great.

Cravings: Right now, peanut butter but nothing new there. Scrambled eggs with cheese.

Pregnancy Week 5

2011-10-27T13:52:00.000-05:00

Far Along: 5 Weeks

Size: Seaseme Seed

How I Feel: Good. No cravings. Eating less carbs which isnt making me as tired

Dr. Appointment: Moved to 11/02/11

NICU Journey

2011-10-24T10:59:00.001-05:00

As most know, Ethan is a NICU baby. He spent 20 days in the NICU due to low blood sugar and fluid in his lungs from being a C-section baby.

If someone had told me while he was in there that I may have great fear of having another child, I would not have believed them.

Now, 3 years later and almost 5 weeks pregnant, I am terrified. The reason Ethan was in the NICU was nothing short of my fault as his mother. I did not take the Dr. seriously when she cautioned me and warned me time after time again. I did not believe her when I was put on medication or when I had to go in once a week for stress contractions test.

He was not admitted because of an abnormality in his development in the womb, he was admitted because his mommy could not stop eating Quarter Pounder with cheese, large fries and ,during the Grammy's in 2008, 13 chocolate chip cookies from McDonalds.

Because of the above, I have for a long time been very afraid to have another child. It was my first failure as a mother, trust me, has not been the last. Cause we all know I am far from perfect and have my fuse is short. :) It wasn't because I wanted to wait until we are more financially stable or have a house, those were excuses. It was fear of being in the NICU again. As much as that journey brought me closer to the Lord- it is NOT something I want to experience again. WHAT. SO. EVER.

Saturday when we visited my momma while Matt and Matt cleared out some hunting land, I checked my sugar and it was high. Very high. As soon as I saw the number, fear and panic set in. This let me know this time around I could not waste any time getting back on the diabetic diet. Obviously, with the high number, I have some issues I did not know about before becoming pregnant.

Beginning yesterday, I have begun to write down everything I eat and it's carb content. I have restricted myself to the following:

Breakfast- 30g carb (stay away from cold cereal, milk and fruit in the morning)

Lunch- 45g carb

Snack-15-30 carb

Dinner- 45-60g carb

Snack- 15-30g carb

Good thing is, I love cow, beef and pig. My love of pig is one the top 3 reasons I can never be Muslim. That and ya know, I believe in a risen savior. :)

So, if you read this, please pray that I can follow this plan for 9 months. I have being overweight (to put it nicely) and history of gestational diabetes stacking against me.

As we get closer to the weeks I take the glucose test, I will ask for extra prayer then.

My favorite picture of Ethan in the NICU. He appears to be smiling but I think he had gas!

BIG ANNOUNCEMENT

2011-10-21T11:29:00.002-05:00

By now most people have heard of our good news, that we are adding an addition to our family of 3! Matt, Ethan & I are very excited. We know this is something the Lord has blessed us with as we prayed over this and prayed His will be done if it is meant for us to grow our family.

We are not very far along at all. In fact, we were not going to announce until after our first appointment on 11/14/11. BUT I am HORRIBLE at keeping a secret.

There are worries that I have and I must admit the night we found out I was filled with worry. Our first pregnancy, with Ethan, was not one I want to repeat. I was diagnosed with gestational diabetes, had to go on medication, had a C-section(which I absolutely LOVED). The worst part is Ethan was in the NICU for the first 20 days of his life due to momma not being able to control her diet and self. This has honestly held me back from wanting to have another child for a long time. This fear that gripped me. Then I read Kelly's blog over at http://www.kellyskornerblog.com/ from Wednesday on worry. The Lord knew I needed to read that particular post. He never ceases to amaze me, what about you?

My worrying has been replaced with daily prayers of a safe pregnancy, strength and will power to stay away from refined sugar and carbs and support from Matt in our diet as a family.

Will you please join us in prayers, specifically for the above? Who knows, maybe I will lose weight during this pregnancy. LOL.

So- here are the stats:

Far Along: 4 weeks

Size: about the size of a poppy seed

Symptoms: Dizziness, a little nausea here and there, booby tenderness and exhaustion.

Cravings: Nothing.

First Dr. Appointment: Thursday November 14,2011

Pinterest- MY New Addiction

2011-10-12T13:54:00.000-05:00

Y'all, I am addicted. I am wrapped up in it like a crack head pheining for his next fix. At first I was hesitant. It would be silly, nothing I can actually do.

Boy am I here to tell you wrong. I have completed a Bama wreath, pizza rolls recipe, peanut butter cream cheese ball and started on a few other craft ideas. I have already planned out what I am making others for Christmas AND planned our daughters room. You know, the daughter we aren't blessed with.

It is hard to explain what it is exactly but once someone is on there, they are hooked. You can "pin" anything from a recipe on sausage balls to a complete outfit with your fave color. Mine happens to be hounstooth right now.

Below are some of the instances of my pinning. Be sure to ask for an invite and happy pinning!

The final outcome of my RTR Wreath.

I did not say it would not be messy.

My small kitchen is useful for something.

slowly but surely it was coming together.

Not the exact pic but this is what my pizza rolls looked like.

So glad we did not bring this home with us. Served with honey graham crackers. Delish.

Right Now- This Moment

2011-10-09T10:54:00.000-05:00

I dont want to forget this moment of watching my husband and 3 year old playing cars on the coffee table, still in PJ's.

In the busy life we lead I often times forget to stop and realize how fortunate I am. I am blessed beyond measure to have an amazing husband. One who cooks the best home made mashed potatoes and biscuits. One who will do laundry and let me nap. Even though he may not like it.

I have the sweetest son with the sweetest most sensitive heart. He has a heart for others and for God. I only pray and hope the Lord will bless me with more.

This morning I want to stop and give thanks to God for everything I have, all that He has given me and all that He is to give. I know that we may not have what we want but He always have what we need.

The Message says in 1st Thesalonians 5:18 "Be cheerful no matter what; pray all the time; thank God no matter what happens. This is the way God wants you who belong to Christ Jesus to live."

It's Been a Long Time- Fear

2011-10-03T18:17:00.001-05:00

I have recently been MIA. Not on purpose, just life and work have taken over. I have been attempting to be more Betty Crocker mother and less Peggy Bundy- red hair and all.

This post however is less about where I have been and more about what I fear these days. See, I have discovered www.incourage.me and their book for the book club this month is Angie Smith's What Women Fear. Turns out, she kind of fears the same things I do. She fears not having the faith needed, wondering if God will show up etc…

But, being narcissist that I am, this is about me. Not her. What my fears are. Oh what do I choose from? There are so many it seems. Some are completely ridiculous and out there, some are silly but some are so real I really never speak them. Not even when I remember to write in my prayer journal. My prayer journal that I keep next to my bedside.

See one of my biggest fears is that if I do not write or speak what is in my heart and mind, God will not hear it and in turn he will not be able to speak to me and work within me to change the things needing changed or to answer my prayers. See, silly. I told you.

I know the Lord knows my heart but I am so afraid the reason we have not been able to buy a house yet is because I do not pray over it or for it. I fear the reason things aren't lined up for us to begin trying for a second child is because I have not prayed over or for it. I fear because even though he knows the every hair on my head and knows my wants and needs before I do, that if not spoken, he doesn't know.

How ridiculous is that? Actually, seeing it typed out makes it even more ridiculous sounding to me.

I will link up over at incourage.me under the book club tab and hope you can join us. It should be great seeing hundreds of women shedding their fears!

Insecurity

2011-09-09T09:53:00.000-05:00

It was a floor rug with the alphabet on it. The songs were everything from Guns 'N Roses to Salt 'N Pepper. We made up dance routines every day, as long as they allowed us. She standing on one side of the rug with her long auburn hair, the latest cute outfit and all the little boys watching her. As she danced and twirled from one end to the next she looked angelic. Then came my portion of the routine. I would as gracefully as possible twirl and leap in the air. More often than not my feet would cross and I looked more like I was playing leap frog instead of leaping like a ballerina.

She was my best friend but I always felt insecure in her presence. It was 1986. I was age 6.

I have to wonder, what would our world be like without insecurity in it? We are studying Beth Moore's So Long Insecurity on Wednesday nights in church and I could not have asked the Lord for a better study at this time in my life.

For I fear I am the most insecure I have ever been. More so than that little girl standing to the side.

Bo-Peep Daycare is the first time I remember having insecurity- 6 years old. 25 years later and I still have it.

As the years passed and I became older and grew into myself, I came to embrace my individuality but the insecurity lingered/lingers.

My insecurities now run the range of how do I look in this outfit-will they snicker? Will they judge me for not living in a house but an apartment? Am I raising Ethan as good as I possibly can?

The word is a noun 1. lack of confidence or assurance; self-doubt

My insecurity has played a crucial part in so many aspects of my life. From my past relationships to my relationship with my parents.

I wish I had a magic wand like Abby Cadabby in Seaseme Street to wave and make this all disappear.

Funny thing is I do have something that is even better to wave- my God. Our God. Your God. I have started praying for the Lord to remind me and let me keep in my mind eye that I am wonderfully made in His image. Why should I have insecurities in myself when I think about that? Pretty fantastic when you think about it. He loves us so much that He made us in His image, breathed life into us.

Next time I start having a panic attack at the thought of having walk up front for communion- I will stop and remember that the Lord perfectly made me. My insecurity is nothing shy of Satan trying to play with my mind and draw me back from the Lord and my walk with him.

Few Things

2011-09-06T10:48:00.001-05:00

I wanted to get a few things out there in the blogsphere.

First, I am almost done with Angie Smith's What Women Fear. I will go ahead and say this, it is almost as if she is reading my soul. Almost word for word. Minus losing a child.
I highly highly recommend this book to any woman who is not necessarily questioning her believes but having a hard time to put it all into her life. Make sense? I have never really stopped to think about fear and what it is in life I fear. Outside of illnesses or losing loved ones, I can not think of anything. However, after reading this book I understand that what it is I have felt in the past on the topics she discusses IS FEAR.
Angie does a terrific job at covering everything from having the doubts there is a Lord to living a life of faith.
I loved her before but I am actually a little obcessed with her now. Not like wearing a t-shirt with her face kind of obcessed though.

I am finishing up her book just in time to pick up Beth Moore's book for our Women Bible Study class, So Long Insecurity. This past Wednesday night I came to the conclusion that women put their insecurity on theirselves almost 90% of the time. I also realized I am not alone in what I have been thinking towards myself. We all do it. We all compare ourself to the other mom's at daycare or work. We look to them for our validation as women. It is almost as if it turned from needing it from a man to needing it from the other mom's out there. I am very very insecure in myself and tired of not admitting it. I feel as if I fail almost daily at one thing or another. I am not sure where this started in my life but I know I did not pick it up overnight. So, I hope to become a secure woman by the time this 10 week study is over with.

My most favorite time of the day is when we study our Disciple lessons. Oh my gosh, y'all. I have learned so freaking much in the little time we have started this. I know by the time it is all over, my life will definitely be changed. For the better too.

Side note: If I see you walking around in colored jeans this fall, I will hit you. How tacky and ugly. Eww, zipper pocket jeams too? Ugh.Sorry, watchin Today while typing.

This past week we studied Wonder- which is creation, how it happened, how it all began. I know the story but I have never really dove into the story. It is amazing. God created every single thing on this planet to benefit US. Did you ever stop to realize that right below angels, is humans. We are 2 down on the totem pole so to speak.
Studying this has also helped me to come to terms with carbon dating and how some items are millions of years old etc. Using a day in the Bible doesn't necessarily reflect a 24 hour period. It is using it to show it took time to create the planet and everything on it- including us.
I very strongly recommend you sign up for the next Discple class your church holds, if they have them. You will begin to have a completely different view of yourself and the Lord we serve.
This week is sin, it should be interesting.

I will end with this: If Alabama expects to be a contender for the National Title this year, our offensive line HAS to drastically improve. The defense can only carry you for so long. I hope we are able to come out against Penn State with less interceptions than this past weekend. Yeesh.
As for Auburn, thank you Utah State for showing us what we already knew, without Cam and Fairly- not much of a team.

Praise the Lord and RTR!!!

SEC Football

2011-09-01T12:13:00.002-05:00

In 3 days the Alabama Crimson Tide kick off their 2011 Football season in Byrant Denny Stadium. To say I am excited is an understatement.
I.LOVE.FOOTBALL. I especially love Alabama Football.

One of the earliest memories I have as a child is being in Clanton, AL at my grandparents house watching their floor TV. Bo Jackson was running up the field. I was excited because I knew he was a big player because I had heard my granddaddy and daddy talking about him. I was cool- I knew it.
I cherish this memory. One of the funniest memories I have is of me getting in trouble.
It was shortly before my parents and us kids moved to Birmingham, AL from Montgomery, AL. We lived at Eden East Apartments. Alabama had just lost a huge game. I remember getting in trouble because I ran outside to the porch and yelled at a neighbor to, "Shut up." as he celebrated the win. It must have been an Iron Bowl game or he was a TN fan.

My family has always revolved around football. Whether it be pee wee football for my brothers, cheer leading for me or going to the high school football games to watch my cousin. He was the kicker for Jeff Davis. Once we were in high school, outside of the mall- it was the place to go to see and be seen. I mean, come on, how else would you be invited to the get together after the games?
Unfortunately, we were never invited and most times ended up at Waffle House with our parents. Looking back, it wasn't that bad of an experience. At the time though, my world was completely ruined and over.

Now though, football is a coming together of old friends. It is a time of the year we can see my father in law and brother in law at the games in Auburn, a time when the weather is turning cooler and chili is cooking in the crock pot. A time to celebrate and cry with our team and Bama Nation.

Alabama football also holds a special place for me because it was the Sunday after the 2007 Arkansas game I found out I was expecting. We had been to On Tap with a girlfriend that night and came home celebrating a victory, barely! John Parker Wilson had pulled it off right down to the wire.The following day, after church, I realized I was nauseated and craving some strange items. So, once we were home I took a test. The outcome of that forever changed our lives.

So this coming Saturday- at 11:00am- we will sit in our living room listening to Eli Gold as he announces the 2011 Alabama Crimson Tide kick off game against Kent State. We will snack on pigs in a blanket, fire crackers and rotel dip while enjoying cold beers. We will yell, ROLL TIDE ROLL and sing, Yea Alabama. As Richardson runs down the field, I will sit in my recliner and yell, "Go, baby, Go!!!" while Matt laughs at me. Ethan will run up to the TV yelling, "Hit him. Get him." as he did last season.

Most importantly, we will begin making new memories for our family, most importanly, with our family.

Psalms 8

2011-08-31T10:17:00.000-05:00

Last night one of our daily readings for Disciple (side note: such a very confusing class)was from Psalms 8. It is written from David. For some reason, this struck a chord within me last night.

This is from The Message:

¹ God, brilliant Lord, yours is a household name.

² Nursing infants gurgle choruses about you;
      toddlers shout the songs
   That drown out enemy talk,
      and silence atheist babble.

^3-4 I look up at your macro-skies, dark and enormous,
      your handmade sky-jewelry,
   Moon and stars mounted in their settings.
      Then I look at my micro-self and wonder,
   Why do you bother with us?
      Why take a second look our way?

^5-8 Yet we've so narrowly missed being gods,
      bright with Eden's dawn light.
   You put us in charge of your handcrafted world,
      repeated to us your Genesis-charge,
   Made us lords of sheep and cattle,
      even animals out in the wild,
   Birds flying and fish swimming,
      whales singing in the ocean deeps.

⁹ God, brilliant Lord,
      your name echoes around the world.

How awesome is the above? Have you ever stopped to think or reflect on your life this way? The Lord put us humans in charge of the Earth and it's creatures; He loves us so much he put us in charge. It has been a few since I stopped and actually marveled at creation. We dwell in an amazing place- why are we taking it for granted?

On the flip side of this I hear David praising the Lord for loving us so much he entrusts His creation to us. The Lord created us in His image, knowing He can entrust us with the things he made from the smallest ant to the largest Redwood oaks. It is simply amazing sometimes to think about it.

With that- I hope to remember that I was created in His image. Not the image of what I see, what you see or what a stranger sees. What HE sees. This makes me happy to know because I know what he sees is His child; his daughter whom he loves so very much. When this world disappoints, and it will, He is there loving me and there for me to cling to.

The First Memory

2011-08-30T13:17:00.000-05:00

It was spring of 2000. I was 20 years old. On this particular Saturday, I was working the Alabama Shakespeare Festival box office for the matinee of spring preview.
I received a call that my youngest step-brother had been in a horrible accident and was rushed to the ER. In typical Jason fashion, he had a hit on with a car while on his bike; he was looking down. This was not the first time this had happened. The first time the car was NOT moving.

I remember speeding down the interstate to Jackson Hospital and rushing into the ER where my momma was at registration. Dwight was already in the back with him. At this point, no one knew what the extent of his injuries were.
I do remember walking through the ER and seeing him in the neck brace, scared. He was not a teenager then in my eyes, he was still the little blond boy with a bowl cut who liked to smash frogs with bricks and play with micro machine cars. Not this teenage boy in high school.

I was living at the time not to far from the hospital. I met Richard at my house to take a break and honestly, smoke cigarettes to relieve the stress.
As I was leaving the hospital, with my yellow cell phone circa 1998, the first place I stopped was Wendy's. I ordered a #2 with a large frosty to dip my french fries in, super sized of course.
There it was- my constant friend, my companion, my comfort- FOOD.
This is the first time I actually remember having to have food to make myself feel comfort and/or worth.In this particular situation, I needed that comfort over the possibility my brother could be paralyzed or at the best, have a halo to wear.

At this point, I had already began to cut myself and had been seeing a person about that. I believe the only thing that came from that was I was like a golden retriever dog, very loyal and co-dependent. Richard and I were in a weird limbo and he was moving off to LA. I was completely lost and alone for the first time in my life, so I thought.
I stopped the cutting of my arms- it did not last long but I latched on to food.

Now, 11 years later I am slowly learning and realizing just how much of a bad relationship I have had with food. It has been a vicious circle. I eat because I am upset or scared. I eat because I feel alone. I eat because I feel abandoned. Then, I get upset because I gained weight and it becomes this vicious circle that never ends.
Now don't get me wrong. I have had periods where my skinny girl has peeked through. Mainly because I was taking diet pills. I did successfully complete Weight Watchers in time for my wedding and was a size 12. Looking back though, even then I was not completely happy. There is and was something always missing- the Lord.

I am going to begin to use this blog to attempt to work out the reasons I had felt all of these feelings from my past- some may be the cliche reasons, parents divorce, insecurity but others I think will shock myself and others.

Selah

2011-08-29T09:41:00.001-05:00

I have so much to say-but- not a freaking idea where to start. I am full of so much excitement and JOY right now. Well, maybe not RIGHT now because it is Monday morning…. you get the idea though.

This all may be complete non sense in my stream of thought but here goes.

Saturday afternoon we made a trip to Montgomery for a concert. It was to benefit Footprints Ministry plus a birthday present for my daddy- he loves Selah, the performers. To be honest, I was not feeling it. I had been sick the end of last week and just did not want to go. We met momma and Gail at Chappy's before and Gail said when you don't want to go is when you have the most fun. How true and prophetic her words would be.

Selah put on one heck of a performance. They are a 3 person ensemble. They truly did not even need the keyboard, they could have easily gone accupella the entire evening.

However, I waited with baited breath for the guest speaker, ANGIE SMITH! Hello, Bring the Rain? www.angiesmithonline.com because now she is so big and awesome and amazing. I can go on and on about this lady.

Angie did not disappoint in how she comes across on her blog, she is as friendly, funny and open. She spoke from her heart and even though her sweet girl went to heaven 3 years ago, it is still so fresh and raw. You could hear it and see it in her face.

After Angie spoke, I felt disappointed though. I did not feel that I had really gotten anything out of hearing her speak. I mean I did-but- well, I did not feel moved. I did not feel that movement of the Holy Spirit within me. That was all about to change….

Amy Harris is the female singer of Selah. She is this beautiful beautiful lady with this amazing voice and gift. I mean when she sang Amazing Grace, I felt it in my bones. Blown away.

She sang a new song from their just released EP. **I Look to You**. Before she sang she went into great detail about how she was doing this great ministry work through Selah but at the end of the day, she looked in the mirror and did not love herself. She felt she had these chains around her because of her weight issues. The entire time I was clinging to Matt's hand with what I would compare to labor pains grip, if I had gone through labor. She was speaking MY HEART. I knew right there and then, this is what God needed me to hear. It was not anything about FPM- it was this. It was this story of Amy who finally decided to just lay her weight issues at the cross- not sure what to do or where to begin- she laid them down.

That was my, "ah ha" moment. Why have I never thought to do this? Why haven't I just let go and let God in the area of my constant struggle with weight and body image? I mean this truly is the underlying cause of so many personal issues I have.

It doesn't matter I have a husband who absolutely loves me and who tells me every day I am beautiful. It doesn't matter I have a son who constantly tells me how pretty I am. I do not see it. I do not see THAT woman in the mirror.

I completely realize that this is all outward appearance and looks are fleeting but I truly know that how you feel about yourself on the outside completely reflects who you are on the inside.

I left that night praying that my life will change- that I can make this constant transformation both inside and out. Like the song says, cleanse me from the inside out, Lord.

My struggle with weight, to be completely honest, is the main reasons I did not go to church for the last several months, is the reason I want to hibernate in our apartment, is the reason I do not want to volunteer. I know no one will notice or even care for that matter but it doesn't matter. I notice and Satan uses that. Satan takes my fear of weight and weight gain to completely use against me in every aspect of my life, right down to my marriage.

So- I have turned over everything in my life back to God. I have to stop trying to hold on to this fear and let it grip me.

A Posts of firsts

2011-08-27T12:19:00.000-05:00

I did not get the chance to talk about some of the first we have had recently around here. Inlcuding our first dentist trip, Chuck E. Cheese and Gigi's Cupcake visits. Yay.

I had put off Ethan's first dentist visit becuse I have such a fear of the dentist. However I know I can not project my fears to him so I scheduled his first appointment. Y'all he did sooo fantastic. He laid perfectly still and received an A+ from the dentist. He was able to put his hand print on the ceiling tile so he can see it next visit.

This past Friday we decided to take Ethan to Chuck E. Cheese. It is not what it was when we were kids but it is still family oriented and a good time. The pizza is not the best either. Ethan had a ball riding the different rides and playing some games. The clientel there was definitely questionable. They had everyone from a guy bringing back the rat tail to a young man wearing a spider man costume with water shoes on. The winner of the night were the couple with matching air brushed Panama City T-shirts on. They took the prize.I wish I had gotten their picture. Bless their heart (wearing my wedges.)

He is making the same face he did as an infant.

Lets hope he does a better job at paying attention when he turns 16.

The last first for us was trying out Gigi's Cupcakes for the first time. Man, were they delicious. I picked some up for Dwight's birthday. He had the fudge sundae but did not eat it. Matt had KY Bourbon that was to die for as was momma's red velvet. Yummy. I did not have a chance to taste Ethan's he stuffed his in his mouth.

I did not know heaven was on earth.

Meet "Clippard" his new BFF.

I am thankful I still get to experience first's in his life. It seems he is growing up so fast and I miss out on so much working and him in daycare so I like to celebrate and have some firsts with him like this. :)

Let's See....

2011-08-26T23:22:00.000-05:00

Where do we even begin? It seems we have been on the go for the last several weekends. Dash in there a few illness and doctor appointments too.

We took Ethan camping for his first time. By camping I mean we went to our good friends camper and had grilled steak and smores with them before coming home to sleep in our beds.
However, I do see a camping trip in our near future with him. We went to Tannehill State Park which is an absolute beautiful place. It is very tranquil, so much so 8 deer ran up to the camp grounds near dinner time.

We have visited D-Daddy the past few weekends. He has had a rough time with his radiation treatment. We take Ethan down there in hopes he will have a bright spot out of the week. However, momma did tell me this week has been a lot better. She says it is because his vitamins have kicked in. I say prayer works.

This past weekend we went to Buckmaster's Expo. Umm, y'all, I am from the south but I am not that southern I guess because I could care less about mounting or a camo purse or a camo fanny pack for that matter. I am not southern country, only southern city.
I'll bless your heart while wearing my heels(or wedges).

Wednesday night, out of nowhere, my sinuses exploded on me. I mean in the covers, sleeping in pitch black not wanting anything to eat sick. I was finally able to get out and to the Dr. in this 100 degree heat today. 2 shots later and here I am on a Friday night blogging at 11:15.

I have a very busy day tomorrow so I should be asleep. Oh well. Tomorrow Matt has to work some OT so Ethan and I have some errands to run. The main one being his haircut. My son looks as if he is bringing the rat tail back. We are not 80's trash so it will be gone. Then off to get some food in the house. If I am feeling up to it, we shall go to Montgomery for a concert benefiting Footprints. I am most excited because the speaker is Angie Smith from Bring the Rain. Angie is an amazing writer and has a testimony like none other. www.angiesmithonline.com
I just worry about us getting back home in time for our church. Jack is finally preaching again. He is with us through EOY and then full time officially at Birmingham Southern. It is almost like a divorce. You seem him only every other weekend but know there are better things out there awaiting.
Did I just compare being a pastor to divorce? Well, yes, I did.

We started the Discple class at church which is a year long course on the Bible and becoming disciples of Christ. Our associate pastor teaching it said this course lead him to be a minister and now here he is teaching it every year since. AMAZING.
I have to remind myself that Matt was not raised in the church like I was. He does not have the church background as I do so when we discuss these things, it is refreshing and a joy to see Jesus through his mind and eyes. I know great things are in store for us and him.

All of this leads us to NEXT WEEKEND!!!!! Saturday is kick off to Alabama football but SUNDAY is us leading our first Sunday School class for children, ranging from ages 3-5. It should be scary yet a blessing all in one. I know those sweet minds will bless us more so than us them.
I am really excited. Like really really.

I will post on Alabama football at a later date.

Ok, I am off to play on the internet. I hope I have maintained your reading this long.

Summer Time....Living is easy

2011-08-02T12:06:00.002-05:00

We have had a busy past few weekends- lots of fun things have taken place and lots of fun things coming up.

A few weekends ago we went to Buffalo Wild Wings in Hoover- I had it on good authority- 2nd hand information is ALWAYS good hand information, ya know. Anyhoo, I had heard that Julio Jones, Marcel Dareous and Cam Newton were going to be there since they were in town for the 7 on 7. From 5:15- 9:30, they were not there. At this point, I knew we needed to get home. At $10/hr for a baby sitter- you cannot afford to stay out all night long. However, we did enjoy the company of our good friends, King and Queen Tut.

I left, with my Alabama hat and tickets I have from the Iron Bowl I attended with my brother in hand, unsigned. I cried all night long. So disappointed. Did they not understand how important I am? I tweeted Julio but no response.

Also that weekend, we had a fun Sunday. Daddy took E to the pool so mommy could relax and keep the heating pad on her back. Thanks mother nature, big shout out to her. Once they came back, they had a blast playing with the Crayola colored bubbles. These things stain and make a mess on everything it lands or touches. However, it easily washes off with a little elbow grease. At one point, Ethan had a blue bubble pop right on his eye- I was not able to get a picture of that one but he looked funny.

E loves his daddy. He always has so much fun playing with him. They laugh and laugh together, which in turn makes my heart laugh and smile so big.

It was so hot and humid outside that my camera lens fogged up, sorry.

We also spend lots of fun times inside, playing hide and seek in our buckets. LOL. Side note: I curse the scale in the background on a daily basis as I walk past it.

This past weekend, we spent Friday night with our other good friends, the Vakakes's. Their boy and E are the part of a triple threat team, the triple trouble team as I call them. We spent a low key evening chatting while the boys played, Sweet A.S. was playing as well. I think I may kidnap her- love this precious girl.

This evening we were sipping on Skinny Girl Margarita- the line from Bethany Frankel. For a low calorie margarita, this is not bad. After 1 cup, I was done. I think I may stick to beer, it is just so sweet.

Sorry- it would not rotate for some reason.

Saturday and Sunday we spent the day with D-Daddy and momma as he prepared for his radiation treatment that started yesterday. So far, so good. He is a trooper and will make it through.

This weekend we have another jam packed Saturday- birthday party for James V. and then spending the evening with our good friends from Montgomery grilling out and making s'mores. Yummy.

Can not wait.

Until next time, deuces.

Contacts Part 2

2011-07-29T12:15:00.000-05:00

I think me and the contacts are going to get along together. It took a few days in the beginning- now I use some rewettting drops and everything is good. My left eye is a little blurry so that Rx did have to change yesterday.

I miss my glasses though. They have become such a part of me and who I am- almost a security blanket of sorts that I miss them. I am going to get a back up pair though because I definitely can not wear my contacts every day, all day.
Ethan thinks it hilarious to ask where my eyes are! He will then try to look at my pupil to find my contacts. He is an absolute mess.

We have a jammed pack weekend/month going forward. Oh well- tis our life it seems.

Ethan is moving up this month to intermediate. Seriously? Less than 2 years and I will enroll him for Kindergarten. I hate to see him grow so fast yet I love to see him learn. He told us something unique about each planet. I was amazed, as always.

I have something fun coming up soon! I will talk about that later though.

For now- pictures of my skinny days

Matt and I circa 2006 St. Patty Day at McGuire's

LeAnn and I in theatre at CCPAC 1996

Wowzers

2011-07-26T12:30:00.000-05:00

This time next week Dwight, my stepdad, will be on his 2nd day of radiation for his cancer of the tongue- day 2 out of 35. We will be in town this weekend to spend some time with him before all of this starts. Plus, Ethan really wants to go to Nana's. That boy loves him some Nana. I think he loves being the center of attention and loves being able to do what ever he wants more than anything. Ha.

This past week he was sick with a severe chest cold. So severe he had to take breathing treatments. Well, last night he did not want to go to bed, he came in our room every 30 minutes. At one point he told me he needed to do a treatment. He said this just so he could stay up longer. I laughed and tucked him back into bed, only to see him 3o minutes later. Matt finally put Toy Story 2 on for him.
We are slowly breaking him of coming into our room every night. I have for the longest time just allowed him to sleep with us but after weeks of not getting rest I have now started carrying him back to his room where he immediately goes back to sleep. I think it is more he goes to sleep with his tv on but wakes up and it is off. I think it scares him.
He continues to amaze me every day. He has recently began telling me, I love you mommy and then daddy or I love you mommy and then Heidi. It is hilarious to listen to him give thanks to God in his prayers. One night he thanked him for his room, his new toys and his cartoons. It was nice to hear he has his 3 year old priorities straight. Ha.

It is weird to think that 10 years ago I was saying I would never have kids and I did not even think I would be married. Now here I am at times wishing we could have a large family like the one I grew up in. Granted I mainly think these type of thoughts when I am having to do house work. I think of how wonderful it would be to have kids to give chores to; only kidding. Kind of. I do though want more than 2 kids but that is all Matt has agreed to. I am however thankful to the Lord for the one precious son I do have now (even though at times I want to pull my hair out and scream into a paper bag)!

I think I will begin adding in random photos from the years to each of my blogs. Yea. Sounds good.

Ethan 2 weekends ago at Grandma's and Aunt Kristy's holding Buddy.

Ehtan and I August 2010 Gulf Shores, FL

Our 1st family picture together.

Wahooo

2011-07-20T12:31:00.000-05:00

Can you smell that? Ok. I will wait while you sniff the air. There- right there, that hint of rotel dip going in the crock pot, sausage balls in the oven and the smell of steaks on the grill- that my friends is a sign the SEC Football is right around the corner.

Today is the beginning of SEC Media Days. I am, if you couldn't tell, am super excited. I always am at this time of the year.
That moment when everyone's expectations are high- when everyone thinks their team is heading the national championship game.

I am so excited.

Of course everyone knows Alabama will have 14 this year, right?

Of course here are some pictures of Ethan and I over the past 3 years. ROLL TIDE ROLL!!!

Whoopity Doo Dah!!!

2011-07-18T12:27:00.000-05:00

Our weekend was pretty uneventful- we have seemed to have a few of these lately. I love them.
Saturday we did take a day trip to Prattville to see my MIL and SIL- who has a new puppy named Buddy. He is too freaking cute; even cuter than that was Ethan walking around holding the puppy repeating, "I will be very careful."

Yesterday we went to the pool for a little while. I am not that great of a swimmer, luckily I married a fish out of water. So, when ever we are near water I have a chance to relax because daddy is with Ethan playing and teaching him to swim a little bit. I laid in the chair and relaxed while watching the clouds pass over me. It was absoultely heaven for that short period of time.

I did get contacts this weekend. So far I am not sure if they will work out or not because it constantly feels as if I have something in my eye and they get extremely dry. My co-worker has recommended using the Visine eye drops for contacts. I will pick them up and see how things are. I just hate glasses. I have to constantly tell Ethan to be careful of mommy's glasses while we are playing around or if I happen to leave them somewhere they can be chewed on by Heidi or picked up by Ethan. I hope I can continue to use them.

In other news, we have been working out more this past week. We started doing P90X but realized we can not get into that right now so we are doing the Leslie Sansone DVD's of 3-4 miles or the Kick and Walk. I have lost 2.4 lbs in the first week so woot. woot.

I will update on the contacts problem as the week goes on.

My enemy

2011-07-14T12:13:00.000-05:00

I am not sure if other parents out there struggle with this like I do but I am so afraid of my image issues being projected to Ethan.

Last night as we were doing our work outs, Ethan joined us. We were doing some Leslie Sansone walking videos, he said, "Mommy, I am fat. I need to lose weight." This absolutely broke my heart. It made me realize that he does listen to everything we say, even when we are talking about our insecurities.

My image issues have been something I have dealt with for literally, as long as I can remember. When I was very young it was because I had freckles all over me. I was made fun of on a daily basis. I grew to love them, they make me unique from almost everyone else out there.
In middle school/high school- it was my weight. I was not over weight but I was not built like the other girls. I was developed and had curves. I was wearing a training braz in 3rd grade for goodness sake.

Now as I am older, I deal with my issues even more so, more than likely more so than I ever have. Partly because my body changed so drastically once I had Ethan and because I am the heavisest I have ever been.
I have found I hate to go anywhere because of how I see myself. I know how others see me is completely different but what I see is completely different.

I know it is psychological but it deeply affects me. Now I see it affecting my son and it breaks me.

Going forward, I will no longer discuss my issues or kid about myself in his presence. I never want him to think something is wrong with him when he is perfectly made.

I will continue slowly yet surely attempt to change my habits and patterns so he can continue to have healthy images of himself and know he is a strong handsome little boy.

Lessons

2011-07-13T11:47:00.000-05:00

I am learning a lot of life lessons lately.

First, I am learning that people perceive me; not necessarily for the best either.

I am learning I am more and more like my mother everyday, not based off of the above either.

I am learning that you should never get comfortable with any one given situation.

I am learning that at the end of the day, what I do is not important but how I treat and love my husband/son is the most important.

I am learning that my step dad was never really THAT bad afterall. He has done a lot for us and I am lucky to have 2 great and wonderful dad's in life. Too bad it took cancer to make me realize that.

I am learning that the one thing I am terrified of most in life is not death or dying but not being able to protect E from the world and what is out there, illness and otherwise.

I am learning that not everyone has your best interest at heart, even when they say they do.

I am learning that just because a cow is black and white doesn't mean that is the only color cow that produces milk. (kidding. I did think this as a child though)

Attitude Adjustment

2011-07-12T12:14:00.000-05:00

I never have understood how some out there feel having a negative attitude on life will provide positive outcomes.
This is true for how you treat others. If you would like others to do something for you or with you- you have to not treat them like they are below you.

I heard something the other night that made me think, " If you go into something with a negative attitude, nothing positive will ever come of it."

Just something to think about as you go about your day. Treat others with kindness and respect!

Stop demanding and ask- try to smile at everyone you see- see the good in life.

Complete Turn Around

2011-07-11T12:11:00.000-05:00

Since my last post, it has been a complete turn around. I always have a feeling that something will change, the other shoe will drop when things are going great. They did.

I of course do not want to go too in depth with it but needless to say, these past few weeks have been stressful.
It is okay though. I know God is in control and I know that there are oppurtunities on the horizon to change things around.

There are a few things to praise about: Ethan had his 3 yr check up and he is on track to be 6 foot tall. We are not sure where that comes from; maybe my granddaddy? He was a tall man.
Dwight's PET scan came back negative & his cancer is contained to his tongue ONLY. PTL!!!!

However, a few weeks back, we found out one of Ethan's sweet first friends was diagnosed with ALL leukemia cancer. He is having to go through weekly chemo treatments and could definitely use everyone prayers. Will you be sure to say a quick prayer for Jacob when you think of it?

Matt and I are starting back with P90X. I have to do something. I am at the heaviest of my entire life and I HATE IT. It is a weird battle if you have never had to deal with these issues of being an emotional eater; plus I live to eat too and enjoy it oh so much.
It hasn't become so we can have a 2nd child but more about getting our bodies healthy again.

Please pray things continue to work and go along as we are hoping for.

More soon. I promise.

Faster than a speeding bullet

2011-05-31T12:57:00.001-05:00

It seems our life is flying these days. So many things have happened since I last posted. Some good, some not so good.

First off, Praises:

I received a promotion at work. I am now a nurse recruiter/nurse advocate. What this means is I recruit new nurses but also retain the nurses once they are placed or redirect them to their next assignment and make sure they are happy while on assignment.

It is a lot more stress but it seems to work right now. The commission is a blessed bonus too.

Ethan had his 3^rd birthday a few weeks ago! I can not believe he is 3 now. He is the funniest person I know. He is constantly making Matt and I laugh. He is a handful and talks more than his daddy ever thought of talking. Which if you know Matt, he talks. A. LOT.

He is becoming his own little person. He is precious and I love that he needs me and loves me as much I do him.

Second, Prayers:

Let me start this off with I.HATE.CANCER! My stepdad was diagnosed with cancer of the tongue in the beginning of May. A few weeks later he had a portion of his tongue removed. Thankfully, it was not on the front part or his speech would be affected. Luckily, it is on the side- the Dr. removed an inch and half wedge. This past week he had a follow-up appointment to find out he will more than likely need radiation once his tongue fully heals, which should be in about 2-3 months.

It is hard on him- he has cut out smoking/drinking after literally 40 some odd years. He can not eat anything solid.

It breaks my heart to see my mom have to work 50 miles away every day and then come home to care for him.

Cancer is evil. We post poned our wedding by a good 5-6 months because my aunt was diagnosed with colon cancer- she beat it but it was rough on both her and our family. During this time we lost our matriarch, her mother and my grandmother.

Then we learn another person who we love tremendously is having to deal with it as well. It is just a nasty disease that I feel helpless not being able to do something for anyone.

Alabama is still going through the process of getting our lives back on track since the storms. It is heart breaking hearing some of the stories coming out of this. The stories of survival and hope though are inspiring and amazing to hear how God is working in the lives of so many. Takes my breath away sometimes.

My daddy was finally approved for his disability which is a great thing for them. It took a while but not near as long as most. His spirits seem higher.

Like I said, life is speeding by. We have a lot to be grateful for and I praise Jesus everyday for the blessings given to me. I would be lost without Him.

Matthew 17:20 He replied, "Because you have so little faith. I tell you the truth, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there' and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you."

Swift Winds

2011-05-03T10:38:00.000-05:00

They blow in from the West, leaving us devastated in their wake. Children are now orphans, complete families gone, some only left with a single remaining family member. Picking up random items blown in from over 50 miles away- trucks left in pastures from Tuscaloosa County all the way in St. Clair.

I feel helpless. I have donated items but I want my feet on the ground. I want God’s light to shine to others through me in their time of grief. I want them to know God did not do this, He did not send this storm, mother nature did. Our God is not a vengeful God. He sent his Son, he doesn’t have to send storms or earthquakes.

He is the Lord that is pulling people who would never speak to each other together to help rebuild their homes, cities, schools. He is the Lord whose children are literally pulling the shoes off their feet and giving them to victims in need, showing His love.

I haven’t wanted to write anything down until I had a little time to get over the shock of seeing this happen in my life time to cities I love so dearly.

I have cried tears, I have argued with God to spare my grandma (she was), I have thought the same question everyone else has, why? I don’t think anyone really can answer .The parameters set up for an eventful day, a deadly day, a day of loss but also a day of mercy and grace.

No one will ever be the same. Our cities will never be the same. Our states will never be the same. I hope that in the midst of this all, God continues to shine. I pray his grace and mercy continues to be shown and given to so many in need. I pray those who have been affected turn their heads and hearts towards God as opposed to away from him.

I continue to think of John 16:33 (From the Message)

Jesus answered them, "Do you finally believe? In fact, you're about to make a run for it—saving your own skins and abandoning me. But I'm not abandoned. The Father is with me. I've told you all this so that trusting me, you will be unshakable and assured, deeply at peace. In this godless world you will continue to experience difficulties. But take heart! I've conquered the world."

Still Around

2011-03-28T15:21:00.000-05:00

We are still here, still kicking. Let’s see, what have we been up to since last update?

Matt and I attended Kid Rock/Jamey Johnson concert where we were home and in bed before 11p. We realized this night we are older than we seemed. It was a great show though- Kid Rock is a bad mamajama who really knows how to jam. Whether you like him or not- he can rock it out.

We have been rather low key outside of this. We are working and parenting, all the while trying to maintain a sense of husband and wife with each other.

We will be extremely busy in the upcoming months with E’s 3^rd birthday party which will be in the top of the barn at the Petting Zoo in the Oak Mtn. State Park, New Kids on the Block/Backstreet Boys concert in June for mommy and then it should all die down after that.

Matt and I have began a daily devotional by James and Shirley Dobson. Most of the time, Focus on the Family is a little too conservative for my taste but I do believe they may know a thing or two about marriage seeing as they have been together for over 40 years. I forget a lot of the time that it is a daily work in progress being married. It is not about each other but about putting our focus on the Lord and then each other.

I see a lot of people my age divorcing and it breaks my heart. Why do they give up without a fight? Without counseling? I mean don’t get me wrong, without Matt and his ex-wife giving up, really more her than he, I would not be married to him.

Marriage is just taken for granted so much and is looked at as more of a piece of paper than a sacred bond between woman, man and God.

I by no means condemn those who are divorced, going through divorce or thinking of it. It only hurts me to see it happening so much.

Yesterday our Sunday School lesson was on forgiveness. This is such a hard thing for me. I tend to hold a grudge. Then, one day I do forgive but the next day I am back to holding a grudge which is NOT healthy for myself by any means. It is just this one grudge I can not let go of- I think if I were to have some closure I would. If I were to have closure means I would have to confront said person. I know this person has moved on and more than likely never thinks of me but I do him. How can I let it go and forgive? I know to pray about it but this just completely messed me up for such a long time I want him to pay. I know it isn’t up to me for retribution that the Lord will do that in His timing but it doesn’t make it any easier.

If my Ruth can forgive her horrible ordeal- why can’t I? It was far less than what she endured.

Something to think about and pray about.

Valentine's Day

2011-02-14T11:02:00.001-06:00

I have never really been a fan of Valentine’s. I am not sure where it stems from. It could be that one time in 4^th grade where I bought my own carnation from my then “boyfriend”, he did exist; he just did not buy it. Ha.

I have never been alone on Valentines, either I have been with a special, at the time, guy or I have been with some pretty special friends.

I just hate the idea of having a particular day set in stone to tell someone you love them. Shouldn’t we do that on a daily basis? At least a weekly basis. I know I tell the people I love most every day that I love them or try to anyway.

I don’t know- I don’t like Valentine’s Day. Never have. This doesn't mean I have ever had a horrible one.

Now with that being said: Matt has always outdone himself year after year for me on Valentine’s from rose petals on the floor, table and bed and home made manicotti for two to a simple lunch date at my fave area place, Taziki’s.

He loves me even when I don’t deserve it; he makes me laugh when I at my lowest wallowing in self-pitty and is a great father to E man. For this I am eternally grateful that the Lord decided to place him in my life 15 years ago which we spent our 1^st Valentine in 10^th grade at TP Crockmeir’s eating chicken fingers and fries where he had delivered 2 white roses to my home to represent the purity I had, at the time anyway. Ha. J

Love you Matt!

My Top 5 Valentine's (In no particular order):

1. Our first Valentine together in 2003. Matt had purchased several roses and had rose petals all over the house, hall way and bed. He made home made manicotti for us and we had a wonderful candlelit dinner. We ended the evening with some pool and slow dancing at my favorite spot at the time, Pure Country.

2. In high school I spent a great valentine's being stood up by 2 other girls. It was to be 5 of us, I would have been the 3rd wheel, I think. It ended up they ditched us for a Cake concert here in the Ham so we went to see that horrible movie with Elizabeth What's her name and Ice Cube. I spent that Valentine's in the company of two great people who I still remain very close friends with.

3. In 2008 I was pregnant with E and a HUGE BITCH. I do not think anyone can comprehend the severity of my bitchiness. I made Matt read for crying out loud. I was so mean he went to B&N to read up on why I was so mean. That Valentine's he bought me a beautiful garnet ring in white gold that he had to literally search high and low for. We spent the night happy with Steak Out take-out and some divine cheesecake.

4. If you are not aware, Matt and I dated in high school. We started dating 01/04/1996 and that Valentine's I wore a cute little red baby doll dress with black patent leather mary janes and white thigh high tights with racing stripes up the sides. I was too adorable. We spent the evening dining on chicken fingers, see above. I kept the bear he gave me that day for a long time after that. I dont think he ever knew that.

5. In 2001, I had just turned 21 and was single as the day is long. Me and my 2 room mates at the time celebrated our singledom with a birthday party for one of our dogs and played cards all night, it was great!

What are some of your best Valentine's?

Ladies and Gentleman- Welcome to the greatest show on Earth

2011-02-09T12:48:00.000-06:00

On January 30, 2011 we took our first trip to the circus. E's best friend, Joshua, family were going and wanted us to go. We knew both boys would love it! When we first arrived- the lines were WAY LONG but once doors opened up, everything moved quickly. It was a lot cleaner and more organized than I thought it would be. The restrooms were VERY clean. I was impressed.
However- I was NOT so impressed for the show itself. I felt as if I was on censory overload with most of everything. It seemed almost forced and contrived.
E and J both enjoyed the show. Although I think E enjoyed the popcorn just a little more. He went to J's daddy and sat in his lap because he had the popcorn. Of course mommy did not mind- it gave us a mini break for the moment. :)

Overall- I think it was good to take them for the first time. They behaved and were thoroughly involved with the animals but I do not think we will go back for a few years; maybe around the time he is 5.

Censory Overload

Elephants love a whole loaf of bread for a treat

BFF!!!

Clapping for the elephants

P90X

2011-01-31T12:35:00.000-06:00

Quick Update: This week is week 3 of Phase I. I can not wait until next week, the recovery week. YAY!

We are slowing yet surely getting better each day at it. We are seeing results and excited about that!

Yesterday was the circus which I will post pics later on.

Just a short note that we are alive and loving life.

Couple Bonding Through Torture

2011-01-21T13:00:00.000-06:00

I like pain. It is a weird thing about me. I don't go out and try to harm myself but I do like pain. The pain of forcing my body to its limits feels great. I know I am doing something good when I do this.

My sweet husband and I have started P90X this week. We are each others motivators. Although after taking the before pictures, I may put those on the fridge and line the kitchen wall with them as well, kind of like paper dolls. Ha.

Stay tuned because we will have our afters up along with our befores.
That is if I like our afters.

Other than that- we are slowing down life up here and learning to appreciate it more.

Ethan is a growing boy who continues to amaze me daily. He says the funniest things. I have to remember to write them down to put here. One example is the following:
Me: Ethan, you, dada, me and Joshua Mrs. Shannon and Mr. Charles are all going to the circus in a few days.
Ethan: Cool. Do you think they will have seals?

WHAT? Do you know any 2 yr olds that know seals being at the circus or anything like that.

Have a great weekend and ciao!

Life Happens

2011-01-12T12:02:00.000-06:00

At first I was very excited. Like a dog when its owner returns home; I jumped up and down. I wagged my tail even.
Then, when I realized it was a failure, I became depressed and started having cabin fever.
The Snowpocalypse came and went, except it came with NO snow and only ice for us. Which is fine and dandy but a 2 yr old can not play in ice nor can we really venture out ANYWHERE. I worked out just to get out of the apartment. I was stir crazy, all of us were.
I have never looked forward to daycare more than I did on Tuesday morning. I love my son but there are only so many car races I can handle or stand.

Ethan did look awfully cute coming out to see if there was any snow on the ground though. See below.

Bullets. I like bullets

2011-01-06T12:20:00.000-06:00

I am thankful the holidays are over. Good bye extra 10 lbs.
I love my MP3 player. I love downloading songs.
I love the gym even more. I like to sweat.
My son is cracking me up on a daily basis. I have to start writing down what he says to put on here.
Matt thought lyrics to Chicken Fried where I like chicken fries. HAHAHAHA.
I truly hope and pray us buying a house will work out. Crossing fingers toes and hair.

My little elephant! RTR!

I told ya so

2011-01-05T12:08:00.000-06:00

I told ya I would blog more. I told ya so.

So... we met with our mortgage person on Monday and if things play out the way we believe they will, we hope to be in a home this summer. Did you hear me? A HOME. OF OUR OWN. Somewhere Ethan can grow up and we can finally feel like adults and a family. I do plan to put a white picket fence. Ha.

Over the last few days we have been hitting the gym at home more. After last night, Matt and I will have to go at intervals because we can not take E. He does not understand the concept of stay in the room and not come out. He hears, E- come out and ask mommy to play every 3 minutes.
I will not complain because I know one day he will stop asking me to play and start dreaming of girls; le sigh.

I like my chicken fried and a cold beer.... sorryside tracked by song.

As most everyone in the US of A knows, Auburn is heading to the BCS bowl game. Ugh. I am a starch die hard Alabama fan. Auburn is our arch nemesis. People can not understand why I will NOT pull for Auburn.
"but they are within the SEC. They are from the state of Alabama." And? Your point?
I dont see North Korea pulling for the US when in war with Bin Laden.
I am and always will be solely for Alabama in regards to football.

There are some things on the horizon within my work career that I think will be very beneficial for us as a family and for me personally. I hope they will work out within the next few months. I think after me not believing in myself and people constantly building me up, I believe I can do it. :)
I will be vague for a few.

Now I leave you with a picture of a card my 85 yr old grandma sent me for my birthday! I love it. Love her too.

Bring It On (minus Kirsten Dunst)

2011-01-03T12:34:00.000-06:00

New Year huh? Crazy how time flies when you have children. I promise it does. Dont believe me? Have one and get back to me.

So. I have decided to start blogging more. Get back into the game of it. I need an outlet to get my thoughts out there on a variety of things.

With that being said: Here are my top 5 things for 2011.
1. Start the process of purchasing our very own home. (this starts today actually by meeting with our mortgage guy.)
2. Lose weight. I know most people say this but seriously- look at my most recent pictures of our night out on NYE and you will see, baby got back that she ain't need and don't want. Baby gonna lose this back (and several chins)
3. Umm... hmm. These are the only 2 things I actively have planned for 2011. SO yea.

We do plan to spend more time in the Ham. It seems we were in Montgomery almost every other weekend in 2010. This lead to us getting out of church which leads to us being out of sync with each other, God and it is just a big ol mess.

We started our new year off with a bang by going out and enjoying the night life in Montgomery, can I stop here and say THANK GOD we have grown up. We had a wonderful time with my BFF Gina Marie and her husband Teeter plus Audra and Rob. 2 of my brothers even tagged along too, it was a great night.
However, when you have a 2yr old at home who likes to wake up early and goes non stop for the entire day without a nap- it helps to have G2 and plenty of water and carbs on hand.
Then yesterday we celebrated my birthday, the big 31 with a low key lunch at Jason's Deli and a small smash cake. Yummy.
I saw my daddy finally, I could not have asked for a better set of parents if we could choose. :) I love them both so dearly and they each have their own seperate things they have taught me over the years that I will carry and cherish.

I will leave you with some pictures from this past weekend... as you can see, we had a great time. :)

Plan B

2010-12-13T12:59:00.001-06:00

Hey. I have been away for awhile. Nothing earth shattering as to why. Just life and it's daily turmoils.
This past Friday Matt and I were out and about. While we were in LifeWay I decided to pick up Plan B by Pete Wilson. I knew a few of the larger bloggers I follow did a review and loved it.

I started reading it Saturday night. I personally do not like how he jumps from a Bible story to his life to a person he has been pastor of story; that part irks me.
I do like what he has to say though about what to do when life doesn't go as planned and you are left facing Plan B. In the book he talks about how at some point in one's life, you will be hit with a Plan B whether it be the loss of a parent/child or the loss of a job.

I sat for a few pages trying to determine if I had hit my Plan B- my parent's divorce? No. I am thankful they divorced.
The loss of my grandparents? No. They led great Christian lives and I know I will see them one day.

Then it hit me. Stopped me dead in my tracks. I have experienced my Plan B moment. April 14,1997.
It was nothing violent but it was assault- sexual assault. It has over the years led me to act out in ways I should not have, it has caused me to question my God, it has caused me to whoder if I was even worth saving. Can I say right here that I absolutely love grace. It is wonderful.
I would say I have forgiven but I haven't. I have tried but can not manage to. I would say I pray with feverent passion but I do not. I am not sure how or what to say actually outside of going through the motions.
I would say I can see comments on friend's pages made by him do not bother me but they do. They bring the old ghost back and slap me square in the face.

It hasn't been until recently that I realized just how much it has affected me. From the way I let myself be treated by others to the way I treat others.

I felt this urge to sign on and get it off my chest. Not sure why. I wish I could put this all past me and let it go. I can't. I wish I could forgive him but I am not sure how. I want to. I feel if I could and would then it would let me have a better relationship with Christ. It will help me have a better relationship with my husband.

I have never felt worthy of relationships with others who are Christian women or men. I felt dirty.
I know that sounds ridunkulous but it is true.
It led me to completely disrespect myself and led me to allow myself to be "that girl". The one who guys used as back-up for their girls.
I felt I have never deserved grace and it still feels that way at times. Side note: I know I do deserve grace.

I am not sure how to overcome this except through prayer but I am not even sure what to say or pray about. Make sense?

jealous of my sweat?

2010-10-06T13:31:00.000-05:00

I have found a new love- sweat. Lots of it.

I do not feel accomplished at the end of my 40 minutes during lunch unless I have sweat dripping profusely from my face.

I love challenging myself to see if I can hit 500 or more calories burned in 40 minutes. I love imagining me in a few months- curvy with longer hair again- Oh how I can not wait.

I could sit here and say I am doing this for me, for my health, for my blood pressure that is pre-hypertension. I am, kind of. I am honestly doing it for my self serving own reasons that I would never admit to IRL.

I am doing it to make others be just a smidge jealous. Assuming they are the type to be jealous and I think everyone has a smidge of a jealous streak in them because honestly I am a bit jealous of them.

So tired

2010-09-20T20:14:00.000-05:00

But I did it. Cramps and all.
D7L1 done.

3 lbs lost.
Since the weight I gained back since last time.

Where is my little baby?

2010-07-27T20:07:00.000-05:00

I can not believe my sweet sweet son is growing up as fast as he is!
He started out of the blue coming to me this past weekend to let me know he needed to potty. We no longer will carry sippy cups with us to school beginning next week... it is all just a little over whelming to think he will no longer be wearing diapers soon. It just seems to be one less thing he will need mommy for. :( Sad panda.

He is so sweet and the most loving child I know. He cares deeply for people and any living things. The other monring he was upset because he thought he had hurt one of the bajillion catipillars in and around our apartment. He is my weekend snuggle bug(side note: I like it when he is upset bc I get to cuddle)! I know this will not last forever so I am taking advantage of it while I can.

I hope and pray he will continue to grow to be a smart funny loving child that he is now.

sometimes

2010-07-24T15:28:00.000-05:00

I get extremely tired of it all. I mean extremely.

Playing Fair

2010-07-20T20:23:00.000-05:00

We have been hit or miss at church this summer, well all year, mostly because we have been in Montgomery for so much stuff.
However, there is this book we studied called 9 Things you must do to succeed in life and love.
One of the things- play it fair- made an impact on me.
Instead of getting upset and letting someone else dictate how I feel or what happens to me- I will try to rise above it and not "play fair". I will try not to get even or one up the other person.

It gets old and tiring. Real quick and real fast.

Since then, life has been relatively easy and a lot smoother. Well that and negative Sally's are gone and done with.

For instance, Matt has this ex-girlfriend who thinks I would have issue with her and he being friends on FB. An ex gf from high school, from literally 15 years ago. The two of us have always had a rocky friendship. For the most part, she is paranoid ( I have enough of that- I don't need anymore) and thinks I hate her. I don't. I never have. I have sympathy for her and empathy for her, not hatred.
The last time she decided I was evil was when I told her she could not move to SW FL to live with us. She thought bc she was his ex gf, nope, you smoke dope and pop pills. I wanted none of that in my life or house. I used to. I used to love it. However, in the process of trying to grow up and do the right thing, this was not in our best interest.
Plus she is a gemini and we rarely ever get along for long term basis.

So- I have decided to not play fair- I just ignore it.

How do you not play fair?

I am so mad

2010-07-14T19:17:00.000-05:00

I started on day 8 this evening. I quit not even half way through the first circuit. Why? I am in immense pain. From under my left knee all the way down is hurting. I could not even push through this pain. So, I am now sitting in the recliner with ice on the area that hurts the most, took 4 advil and am propped up.
My mom says I need to not do Shred It for at least a week and it wouldn't hurt to get a knee brace which I will.
I guess I could still do it but not do the cardio portion. Maybe do the cardio on the stationary bike at work? I plan on doing the bike tomorrow during lunch.

Ugh. Pisses me off so bad.

On a More Serious Note

2010-07-11T19:53:00.000-05:00

I love hip hop. I always have. At first it started as just a way to connect to my friends when I was in school. Then I started to relate more and more to what was being said. Not the booty shaking, p poppin music but the lyrics that were being spoken from the souls of Pac, Andre 3000 and Big Boi. What was being said reached down and touched me. Eminem still moves me to this day. Right now I am listening to Pandora on my Eminem channel. I have Eminem, Modest Mouse, Chris Tomlin and 2 Live Crew channels on it. Completely different genres. Sometimes though, only Uncle Luke can get you through that work out.
Granted I am not the person I was when I would lay there listening to CD after CD. Imagining myself as Bonnie and him Clyde from Makaveli from Tupac.
It still speaks to me. It reminds me of where I was and where I am now. It reminds me that I took a lot of wrong turns and a lot of wrong puffs & river shotguns but I came through on the other side. By and for nothing less than the mercy and grace of God.

I used to write these dark poems that only two people could really grasp the concept of.

I want to attempt to write today. I have been thinking but I am just afraid to throw myself out there. I would love to write lyrics and have music put to it. We shall see what I can come up with.

Let's Get Real

2010-06-22T19:40:00.000-05:00

I am tired of being the size I am. Not the weight I am but the size.

These 42D's are great for my husband but my back is killing me daily.

Time to get some of this weight off. I need to get real and serious!

So I am going to shred it. That is right, I am going to get Jillian's Shred It video.

Should be interesting. I will do it at work 3x week. We have a gym area.

Daddy

2010-06-09T19:51:00.000-05:00

Born 8/25/1951

Daddy went in for a heart cath today. Turns out, he will be having triple bypass surgery come Tuesday June 15th. Dr. Kammack will be the surgeon. He did granddaddy's quadruple bypass in 1994 so we know he is a good Dr.

I haven't cried yet, not really. I have not processed the seriousness of this and that I could potentially lose my daddy. If he does not have this done, I would lose my daddy, nothing potential about it.

Daddy is a great man. He is a simple man. He loves his family but most importantly, he loves his Lord. See it was in June of 1980 that my father was saved. It was because of my birth that my father was saved. So, you could say that at a young age I was preaching the gospel and bringing folks to Christ. Ha. :)

He loves his friends and would give anyone the shirt off his back. He is life educated. He learned everything he has needed to know from his mother and step father, my grandma and grandpa. See, I never knew his biological father. He passed when daddy was only 10 from a massive heart attack.

I have so many memories of my daddy growing up. I have so many regrets as a teen ager. I have always known my daddy loves me. I never doubted it- I have never had to doubt it. He has never judged me, he has never judged my friends or my actions or choices. He only told me that he loved me but most importantly Jesus loved me.

I know Daddy will be okay. For what ever is in God's will and plan, we are alright with it and okay.

Listed are some of my favorite memories of daddy and me:
Fireworks at Jubilee, watching them from the bed of his truck with Nick screaming in fear. Wussy
Blue dodge ram that if it was too hot, the horn would go off.
peanut butter mayonaise and banana sandwiches
fireflies
tad poles in the creek under the railroad tracks behind Eden East
Sunday morning cartoons before church
Alabama football games
GREY AND RED DOLPHIN SHORTS!!! hahahahaha
4 wives- finally found one that is a great pair.
grew up with Tommy Shaw of Stix. Awesome.
Milo's
Cotton's BBQ

Where in the world is Nicole?

2010-05-25T12:56:00.000-05:00

It seems like I am always too busy to keep up this thing. I promise to make a better effort on it.

I have been slammed with work- we have been preparing for a nurse strike in Minnesota. That has called for long days and busy busy days.

When it isn't work, it seems we are traveling to Montgomery for something or the other or we are just enjoying spending time with Ethan here at the house. We have found a new playground he loves and there is a field for Heidi, the crazy weiner dog, to run around and play. The more she is able to run and play, the better.

E continues to amaze me. He is the sweetest most precious little guy out there. We have had no problems transitioning to the big boy bed which is really a twin bed with a safety rail. It could be because we let him watch one of his movies each night but he does not get out of bed in the middle of the night, he sleeps through the night and when he does wake up, he stays in bed and entertains himself. I am so fortunate he can entertain himself.
Although last night as I was folding clothes, he told me to stop and come to his woom. PRECIOUS!

I think things will slow down again for us this summer but you never know!

~Ethan Turns 2~

2010-05-24T20:08:00.000-05:00

This past week we celebrated Ethan turning 2 with a few parties. First, we had a birthday party with his class. He shares a birthday with a class mate so we brought breakfast for everyone complete with party hats.

That evening we had a party for him at home where he devoured cake and received a lot of gifts from mommy and daddy including his first T-ball set. He loves it BTW!

Saturday was another big, yet exhausting, day for us as we drove down Saturday morning for a bithday party at CiCi's Pizza. We had a good time. Ethan did too. Ha.

Ethan you are 2:

Weight: 29 lbs

Height: Unsure- well visit in a few days

Current Events: BP oil spill in the gulf.

Favorite Things: Elmo, books, Mickey Mouse AKA Hotdog.

You are: Sleeping in a twin size bed and you have tee tee'd in the potty twice for mommy.

My line of thoughts- politics

2010-04-29T09:02:00.000-05:00

I am tired. I am tried of feeling like a horrible person, sometimes a horrible Christian for what I believe in politics.

It is hard to keep what Jesus wants us to do in line with what I think politically.

I do care about every one and their well being. I just do not care about it coming out of my already dwindling pay check. I can barely pay mine- much less worry about paying for everyone else’s- including illegal Jose.

I feel and think that it should be the community- church community- responsibility to take care of the sick. I understand with today’s technology and the price to keep up the gadgets, it is easier said than done. I get that.

What I don’t get are the comments thrown in about how I am a heartless person because I don’t support the healthcare bill and feel if you want insurance, pay for it. It is definitely not a right- earn it.

I do however support Medicare and Medicaid- I have no problem paying into that because it ultimately does help support the elderly and the young. I have known a family or two whose preemie was on Medicaid and I support that full heartedly. I have no issue with that.

I do not support abortion- never have. Never will. This does not make me a weird strange out there person who stands on the side of Atlanta Hwy with hangers- that image will never leave my mind- this makes me a person who knows in my heart it is murder of a child but there are always instances that the grey area steps in such as rape, incest and it coming down to the life of the mother over the life of the baby. I hope to never be in any such instance.

I don’t believe it is a form of birth control. I don’t believe I want my money being spent on it- such is some of the wording in the new healthcare bill.

I believe that Jesus does not hold it against any woman who has had to go through this because through his death, we are all forgiven and washed white as snow. I know I will never judge but only love the woman and hope to help her grieve that process and make better choices in the future.

I do not believe you should be able to come into America illegally and nothing be done about it. If you are caught here illegally- I think you should be sent right back. If you are wanting here that bad- then do it the right way so you do not run the risk of being deported back to your home country. It really is as simple as that.

Arizona has every right I feel to do exactly what they are doing. If the federal government would stop putting their little hands in the states decision, maybe we could accomplish some things in this country.

I believe that you should be able to carry a firearm on your person- if you have a permit to do so. I do think there needs to be stricter laws for getting a permit and tougher screening but I do not feel you should take away the right to bear arms from American’s. I have always supported the NRA. Teach your child about guns and gun safety at an appropriate age and misuse will not occur. Hopefully.

Lastly, I am tired of being labeled a close minded person because I believe these things and believe in God and Jesus Christ as my savior. When I am far from that. I think I am fairly open minded- I listen to all sides and draw my conclusion from there. I don’t take the word of Beck, Hannity or any other person.

I would support the current president, if he ever did anything worth supporting, so far, zilch.

I don’t believe this President is the Anti Christ but I do believe this President is not a believer. If so, his actions do not show it.

April 14,2007

2010-04-15T09:19:00.000-05:00

It started out as stormy, tornadoes pretty much everywhere and pouring rain.

It ended- being the best day of our lives at that point. The food was wonderful, the music was great, the memories were even better.

Surrounded by family and friends we celebrated our joining of hearts in marriage.

Yesterday Matt and I celebrated our 3 year anniversary. So much has changed and is different within the

Past 3 years. We moved 700 miles away from Florida- back to Alabama. Thank goodness. I hate Cape Coral, FL.

Well- I don’t hate it- but I wouldn’t move back.

We have our wonderful gift from God, Ethan.

Matt is working with Blue Cross where he is continuing to succeed in his career.

Most importantly though, we are closer than ever with each other and with God- we try to put each other first in our life and marriage.

We did nothing special, ate nothing special. We went to Wednesday night church where we discussed sexual intimacy and the wonders of it when done within marriage.

We watched TV and went to bed. We went to bed knowing that we have so many more years together, hopefully, and our life is full of love for each other, our son and our Lord.

Nicole Collier

Raising Men

2010-04-12T12:41:00.000-05:00

John Croyle spoke yesterday at our church. He did not say anything we had not already either heard or read before but it was still great to hear it again.
This generation of boys are not growing up to be men. My generation has very little real men in it. Nothing like our fathers or our grandfathers.

What I am most afraid of is Ethan growing up not being a man. When I say a man, I mean someone who knows the Lord, knows what respect is and shows it and someone who will respect women and his wife.
Croyle had a great point- you can force a child to attend every church function there is on planet Earth but without that relationship with the Lord, it is nothing, meaningless, as if everything else in life.

I pray for Ethan to be a God fearing man. That is what is lacking from men in my generation and generations behind us. We don't have God fearing men and that scares me for our children and grandchildren down the road.

Yesterday also brought up my insecurities as a wife and mother. I am insecure in my roles in the house and relationship because our roles are reversed. Matt is the one who cleans, cooks and hell even sews. He sewed a button on last night for me and taught me how to sew a hem.
I told him I feel like I have nothing to give and offer. I feel sometimes the only thing I do decent is raise Ethan. I mean, come on, have you met him? It isn't just because of school that he is as precious or as well mannered as he is. I had something to do with that, we had something to do with that.
I can cook as long as it comes out of the box.

I feel like I am not as put together or have it all together as some other mothers. I know not everyone's life is as good as it seems on the outside but still it does not help my insecurities.

So my prayer from now on is this: to be the best wife, mother and daughter that God designed me to be. It may not be the woman who cleans and cooks but the woman who nurtures her son and husband to be the men they are meant to be by our Father.

My thoughts

2010-04-06T11:37:00.000-05:00

It dawned upon me as we were sitting in the pew Easter Sunday while listening to the screaming, I mean sermon, that what IF Jesus had not risen?

Wow-Never really thought about that question. Man. I am so thankful for him indeed rising and for eternal love and grace from the Father! Aren’t you!

Ethan is experiencing allergies for the first time which led to a horrible horrible cough and a slight fever, which led him to staying home yesterday with me.

We played, read and cuddled. I loved the cuddle part. I look at him now and realize soon he will be a big boy and will eventually lose all dependence on me. I doubt I will be the cool mom once he hits around 12. Lord, please do not let it come soon. Take your time.

He is growing so fast and so smart. He already knows his phonics and colors. He is learning his numbers and can point out shapes to me.

Recently he has started telling cars and TV shows( Blue’s Clues) bye bye and blowing them kisses when he sees them. It is incredibly cute and so sweet.

In 8 days I will have been married to my wonderful, sometimes aggrevating, husband for 3 years. We have been together for a total of 8 though. I seriously do not see how he has put up with me for this long. We work though and we compliment each other- for the most part. He is outgoing and always laughing. I am shy and stand offish. He is the ying to my yang(brothers). Ha.

I often think of the what if’s of life. What if this happened? What if that happened? I have to stop doing this for at times it puts fear in me. I can not change what will become of anything for I can only give thanks and praise for what is now and hope for the good in the future.

Work is going, sometimes too fast it seems but I think I am keeping up with it. It is great to have this turn around of positive energy and positive people around now. This industry is a fickle one but it looks like we are surviving.

Healthcare bill passed- it is hard to even talk about this to others. Everyone is so heated on either side of this. I have been lumped into the conservative heartless non-Christian group by several out there. Simply because I do not want the government sticking their hands into anything of mine anymore than they already do. I can not do anything about SS or Medicaid but I definitely do not want this bill. I do agree that we should be more active and willing within the church to step up and help out like in years past. You can not win though on either side. I do not want to see my country continue down the road of socialized health care where someone has to wait months upon months for tests that could prevent their declining health or even death before hand.

FPM is pretty much at a standstill right now. I am consumed by work- it is just too much for me to handle right now. I will relinquish everything to Lu once she has the time on her hands for a few weeks.

I continue to pray for the families though. God works wonders through the NICU.

Nicole Collier

I am alive

2010-03-18T20:22:00.004-05:00

Only severely busy. Work has me busting my, well, if I had 'em, you know what!

Ethan had the stomach virus of 2010- AKA Hershy Squirts. That after we find out he has severe eczema and is now completely "rash" free.

I have been reading The Shack- now when I think of God, I see Aunt Jemima- thanks. Thanks a lot. I happened to like my white flowing beard version.
The book is good though- it explains God and the trinity in a way I can finally, after 30 years, grasp in concept.

Another "famous' blog is now talking about Song of Solomon and how God relates it to marriage and sex. WRONG- I think it was meant more along the lines of God and the church. I don't think God meant for a book in the Bible to be strictly about sex. That could be my Souther Baptist roots coming out though.
I could be wrong but doubtful.

It posted before I was done- sorry.

We had a little scare and I thought I could be with child, which would really be a miracle, bc A. I take my Yaz every night same time same bat channel. B. I have not taken medicine to intervere with it.

Turns out my Rx is supposed to not have one each month the longer you take it. Well, please put that in the pamplet bc this chick stressed all weekend.

Matt had his 30th bday this past weekend. We had a great time with friends and family eating sushi and drinking saki. It was fun.

I am off to bed. I will leave you with this beautiful boy!

Sunday

2010-03-09T14:57:00.001-06:00

I went to church with my mom on Sunday. They are in between pastors right now. The man who spoke has a brain tumor and it is malignant.

He said something that has really stuck with me this week- his chemo pills have two stripes on them. Every time he takes his medicine he is reminded of the following “healed by the stripes of God.”

His cancer is not curable by any human means, only a miracle from the Lord.

Isn’t it great how the Lord sends you little daily messages to not forget who is in charge?

I may not know the future, but I know who holds the future is the other thing he said! I LOVE IT!

Life- It is what it is....

2010-03-01T07:45:00.002-06:00

Life has been slightly crazy for us this last week as we now have a new addition to our house. Heidi the Dashschund. She is 7 weeks old and absolutely precious! We all love her. Chomper doesn't love her but he is tolerating her!

God has definitely provided and answered prayers for us as I am going this weekend to pick up my "new" Hyundai Tuson from my brother as he has a truck now! We both scored in the deal. On top of that- I have an amazing brother with an amazing heart that always thinks of his sister and nephew! I could not have asked for a better little brother. He is stubborn at times but I can not say anything to that subject.

Matt and I are going to start going to church on Wednesday nights for an Adam Hamilton class on making love last a lifetime or something like that. It is even better because Jack is teaching and it is always easier to discuss things with someone you know! :) Ethan will get a nice mid week break and be able to play with his church friends too.

I had to constantly pray for God to just take something away from me yesterday. I have a tendency to just fly off at the mouth when I don't like something and I can be a smartass and very cruel with words. I prayed all morning for him to just take it from me and let it slide off my back. I have to just let it go. I can not be responsible for what others think or say but I can be responsible for my actions.

We have started coupon cutting and price comparing again. We have 3 weeks of food in our cubbard and fridge and saved over $60 yesterday at the grocery store. The money we save each week in not having to purchase groceries can be put into our savings. I like this idea. A lot.

We also are starting the search for Bama tickets. We have tickets for the South Carolina vs. Auburn game. Matt's dad is flying in that weekend and will be going to the game. I believe the kids will be coming which will be fun because football games are great with children. I can not wait until Ethan is old enough to go to a Bama game. It should be fun!
Bama is playing South Carolina in Columbia this year. I am going to TRY my hardest to find us tickets so we can go. We shall see. You never know....

Off to work.... It is going to be a great day! I dare anyone to attempt to ruin it.

~Footprints Ministry~ Alabama and beyond

2010-02-22T19:48:00.004-06:00

I hear Buzz Lightyear saying to Infinity and beyond as I type the title of this blog post- little side note.

Footprints is a ministry that started the summer of 2007 in Montgomery, AL. It has grown to Birmingham and Huntsville, AL along with some cities in GA.

Footprints is a ministry to support families in the NICU. More so than that it is a ministry to show the love of Christ to families in the NICU.

I do not believe there is a better way to describe what Footprints does than to give my story. I became involved through our son being in the NICU.

Before that I will list how we support families.

Our volunteers gather items through out the month that go into our gift bags to families upon entering the NICU. Those items are:

Bibles

burp cloths

receiving blankets with special poem attached

cameras for RN's to take pictures of child

hand sanitizer

tooth brush

tooth paste

magazines for reading

pens and pads to jot notes down

These are the basic items we provide. The most important of these being the Bible and prayer request we tuck in. We pray for the families who never send them in along with the families who do. We try to offer gift cards to local eateries. For those who ask- we also try to provide help through gas cards and such because we all know it isn't easy or cheap when your child is in the NICU.

If you are interested at all in participating or volunteering, please feel free to leave me a comment or contact us at http://www.nicufootprints.org/

Below is long- however, it is our NICU story. Ethan is now 21 months olf and a beautiful happy sweet precious boy!

Jesus Bring the Rain is a song that touched me more than anything. He brought the rain and the rainbow that was behind it.

Edit: Well it would not let me paste everything here. So, click on over on the FPM blog(we now have our website) to read our story and how God touched us through the NICU and love of complete strangers.

My hope today is I can be one of those strangers touching someone's life and bringing them closer to God.

http://nicufootprints.blogspot.com/2008/07/gods-perfect-plan.html

~ ARG~

2010-02-22T19:28:00.003-06:00

Sometimes I want to throw soft objects. Mainly so people get the point they are pissing me off but without seriously injuring them. That would really just make me feel horrible.

Not a good Monday.

Instead of passing the ball- everything is pass the buck. ARG!

I am still undecided on my hair. I mean I like it, love it, in the front. The back- I am still pissed at it. I mean really, can you not cooperate with me? I was in the shower this morning at 6:20 and was finally dressed and ready at 7. 5 minutes longer than normal and 11 inches of hair less. Doesn't add up.

My daddy's wedding was Saturday. It went relatively better than I was expecting. I mean there were cleavage tattoos visible on my now step sibilings but I was shocked.

My dad's cake of course had houndstooth and an Alabama A on it. It was red velvet and very good. I get the feeling my new step mom isn't sure how to act around me. I can understand. She has not had much of any interaction with me and the little she has had was at Ethan's birthday and Christmas. Not the times to really get to know me while chasing a toddler around.

Plus, I imagine it isn't easy being as me and my grandma have been the only women in my daddy's life for awhile. So- I can understand. Kind of. I still do not like the fact since they have been together, I hear less and less from him. Whatever though. What can I do? I have to be the one to call more- which is what I am doing.

We have changed Ethan over to soy milk because we believe he either has allergies or ezcema. I have some cream for it as well. So, we shall see how this week goes. If it doesn't clear up then we are going to the Dr. However, it seems from everything I am being told that some cortizone 10 cream can help it as well. Plus I read there was a new study done where a half cup of bleach to a full size bath cleared it up as well.

I also think that changing all of this can help his congestion. I have noticed a vast improvement in his cough and such over the past 36 hours we have had him on soy. Hopefully, not my imagination.

I am gone. I am off to do a Footprints blog post to link up with Kelly's Korner Blog on ministries.

~My Testimony~

2010-02-16T11:03:00.002-06:00

My Life Before I Became A Christian
Well- my life before I was saved- there isn't much to tell for a 14 yr old. I was baptized when I was 13 yrs old. I remember it being the summer and after wards we went to Country's BBQ. Grandmother and Granddaddy drove all the way from Clanton to be there. This was by far more important than any other day. Come to think of it, I am more thankful they were there for this rather than my wedding. They were able to see me be born again. However, it would be close to 14 years before my life reflected that.

I would not say I was a bad child because I don't feel I was. I did however like to test my mother's patience as well as limits. I would push and push and push to see how much I could get away with until I couldn't do it anymore.

I come from a blended family- parents divorced, only girl. So- needless to say, there were moments in my child hood/teenage years that were sometimes more difficult than others.

At 15 I was sent home for smoking on the youth church trip. At 16 I started partying. I mostly smoked cigarettes and other stuff. I was definitely a stoner. Looking back on everything, I did most of it for approval from my friends, for approval from boys I liked at the time. One, little did I know, would become my husband many years down the road.

Fast fwd to my early 20's and nothing was better. I chose partying and bars over college. I am not one of those who can do both.

I started working in a bar- living that life style. One that was not condusive to getting up early on Sunday's for church nor could I deal with the guilt I experienced for the decisions I had made. I was known as Freaky Nikki. My life was in the crapper and it would stay there for several years.

During those years I ran back into my now husband. For the first 2 years we were together, partying was our only priority. Bills were not necessarily something I made sure to take care of. It was only being seen on the weekend by our local bar tenders and dealers. We had started a very bad downward spiral on drinking and drugs. Heavier drugs. Think Miami Vice- living in the 80's.

This whole time, I knew how I was leading and living my life was not the way I needed to. It was not the way my parents, church nor God had intended to be led. However, I did not know how to fix it. I did not feel worthy of going to church. They knew what I did or was doing- I would be nothing but a hypocrit. Besides, I did not have any self respect. It took many years to pass before I realized that the way I viewed myself then stemmed from being attacked when I was 17 literally right across the street from my church. If I did not love myself, why should God love me?

We moved to Florida, life was slowly starting to turn around for us. We had started opening up about God and our faith. We had even attended a few masses and a Baptist service. I was by no means anywhere close to becoming the Christian or trying to be the Christian I needed to be at this time but God was working. He always had been working within in.

Funny thing- he put Heather back in my life. Her faith and love for God astounded me. To go through everything she went through and to have this love for Him and to have His love? It gave me hope, she gave me hope. She encouraged me with scripture and would call me out on what I was doing.

You may wonder, where was your family through all of this? Right there, day in and day out. Praying over and over on some days. They were right there with me, cleaning up messes I could not deal with or clean up myself. Calling me on my crap as well. Still, I have a stubborness you would not believe.

Matt finally proposed, we were married and then our son was born. 19 days later being discharged from the NICU and our lives were changed. We witnessed God in that NICU surrounding us with love and holding unto us. I knew then and there, my life had to change for the Lord. I had to be the mother and wife I needed to be. There was only one way for me to do that- through Christ alone. Although, don't get me wrong, I often times think I can do it fine all by myself.

How I Came To Realise I Needed Jesus
Seeing our son hooked to monitors, a PICC line inserted to draw blood bc his heels were too damaged from the pricks- it all just hit me. I needed someone bigger than my momma to help me this time. I needed to turn to the Lord. I laid everything out to him one day while listening to a Mercy Me song- I turned it over to him. Everything. My life- I sat at my computer desk listening to that song and sobbing. No one was with me. Ethan was still in the NICU. Matt was at work, momma had gone back home. It was just me and the Lord.

Shortly there after we had started attending a church we had visited several several times while I was pregnant. God was working even then. I knew I wanted our son to grow up in a Christian house, in a family that went to church and I wanted him to know HIM.
What Being A Christian Means Now
Being a Christian now means showing, or attempting to show more love to others. There is no other way the world will see Christ love except through us. I try for others to not see the Christian stereo types. I try to show love to everyone. I try to witness through my actions more than my words sometimes. Often times, I fail. I fail hard. It's only by His grace I am saved and only by His grace I am able to try and try again everytime I do fail.
Being a Christian now means being that light that others think they will never see. It means being the example to others that you do not have to be perfect or come from this perfect background to be loved. Christ loves you regardless of anything or anyone for that matter, you may have done.
Christ loves the murderer and the thief. Christ asked for our forgiveness for we did not know what we had done while on the cross. Christ loves the woman who choses abortion over other options. Christ loves the man who beat the girl and the girl who beat her children.
Christ loves the man who raped a woman. Christ loves the woman he raped. Christ loves him and forgives him, then why is it so hard for me to forgive him?

Christ loves us all. I never fully understood his love for me until my son was born. The amount of love I feel for him, God feels that plus 100 billion times more for my son and for myself. My mother and father will never love me more than He does. I will never love my son more than God does. If you have children, that more than likely amazes you to see that typed out.

What we have here on Earth, we can not take with us. Why live each day for what we have or don't have instead of living and preparing for what is to come?

If I can be forgiven for mistakes and things made in my life, there isn't a soul on Earth who can not be forgiven. Well, those who turn their back on Him and deny Him. We would have to work extra hard.

Life.

2010-02-08T09:21:00.000-06:00

It seems he is growing up too quick some days.

He now tells me that a bunny makes the sound, “Hop. Hop. Hop.” and proceeds to jump up and down.

He is becoming a bit of a picky eater. If he doesn’t like it, Chomper is sure to get it. Chomper and he are becoming fast buddies boding through table scraps.

I am constantly amazed at my son and the blessing that he is to Matt and I. He loves his daddy. The other night I had tears in my eyes watching the two of them sitting in the recliner sharing a bowl of dry cereal. So sweet. Matt calls him his co-pilot. Too sweet.

In other news, I am doing a couch to 5K program now that I have found out in running shoes, I was wearing a size half too small. Good gracious.

I hope to be able to do the Jogging for Janice in April. Then maybe do some during the fall season as well. That is a good thing about Birmingham, there is a large group of runners.

Show Us Your Life Beauty Tips

2010-02-05T20:23:00.004-06:00

So- I am by no means up to date on my make-up or hair. It is sad really, I rarely wear make-up during the week b/c I wake up too late to put it on and get E dressed and out the door. Sad, I know.

However, I absolutely love Bare Minerals. Heather turned me on to this and I LOVE IT! I don't care for their eye shadow because I don't like it is loose. For eye shadow, I am still a MAC fan. It stays on all day and it is wonderful!!! Edit: VERY IMPORTANT TO WASH YOUR BRUSHES! I use baby shampoo and it works wonderfully.

Every morning I get out of the shower, I put on moisturizer. I use Clean and Clear oil control. I LOVE IT and it works wonderfully.

My hair is another story. You can see my hair in my picture at the top of my blog. I am also including one from the morning of our wedding when getting my make-up done. My hair is this long today. I have no shape to it and it just lays there. I am contemplating going sometime soon to cut some of it off and layer it.

If I don't blow dry it, it is this kind of wavy but not curly mess. Ha.

Sorry- I don't have that many beauty tips. I wish I had a few more but growing up with 3 brothers, I was never too girly girl.

2004

2010-02-02T20:09:00.005-06:00

Twists and turns through the halls. Laughs heard. Kisses remembered.
Pasts that haunt.
Through shards of broken vanity mirrors I see the former me.

Lost. Confused. Stranded. Not sure where to go.
I begin to trot, slowly gaining speed and momentum.
Running.
I don't want myself. No. No. No. Get away. Get out.

One more drink. One more puff. One more line dance.
It will get me through just fine.
In the arms of the one I want to remember for that moment. In that minute- he is all I need.

I awake with a pit in my stomach. Too ashamed to look in the mirror. Give up hope.
Give. Up.

This was me. This was me less than 6 years ago. It seemed my world was a living hell for the most part and it was.
The best part though- I did not see it at the time but He was there with me. He being Jesus Christ, God, our Lord redeemer. He was always by my side. In my darkest of darks. He was there.
In the bathroom at Gators, on the dance floor at Woodmere. He was there with me the whole time.
No matter how many Wicca books I read because I wanted him to come back from LA to be with me, He was still there. No matter how many times I told momma I was NOT going to church, He was disappointed but his back was never turned. He loved me despite all of this. He loves me despite all of this still. He loves me despite my knack for pissing my husband off until no end. He loves me despite the things I talk about or who I talk about.

He gave me my son. He gave me the chance to be a mother when so many can't. He gave me the opportunity to show His love to my son. I never fathomed His love for me until I held my sweet son in my arms. In the NICU hooked to a PICC line and laying there, smiling. Connected to machines and beeps every few seconds, my son was smiling. My heart melted and my heart smiled bigger than it ever has before.
It was only fair I turned my life back over to Him. It was time I realized the silliness was over. My childish games were put behind me and my love for Him renewed. I love to eat His words each night. I love to write in my journal letters each night to God, thanking him for various things. Praying for various things. Asking forgiveness for EVERYTHING!

Life... sometimes it just happens

2010-02-01T10:43:00.000-06:00

So- my dad is getting married. For the 4^th time. I will let that sink in. Is it in yet? What about now?

It took me close to 6 months for me to not be upset any longer. I had to realize his life is NOT my life to lead. If his new wife is what will make him happy- more power to them.

Who am I to say no?

I will honor my father by being there, at the church, to show my support for him and his new wife.

I only hope the crew from Redneck Wedding isn’t there. If I see Tom Arnold I am leaving.

Show Us Your Life- FASHION TIPS

2010-01-29T20:15:00.002-06:00

So, Kelly over at Kelly's Korner does Show Us Your Life on Fridays. This Friday happens to be fashion tips.

Here are mine.

1. Classic is always in style. You don't have to go out of your way to get the latest in fashion. An item or two at the most is sufficient enough. You can never go wrong with a simple black dress. Khaki trousers- different from khaki pants or a simple black cardigan top. Also, a good pair of jeans. I love trouser jeans. They can dress up or down.

2. You are not one size. In one line of clothes, I am a size or two SMALLER than I am in a completely different line. You have to try on your clothes and see which size works best for you. An XL will fit a lot different than a 1X. It also makes a huge difference in how YOU look in it.
If you have had a child and are not a tooth pick anymore, try clothes in the women's section a 16W does not mean wide but women. It will make a huge difference too.

3. Stick with colors that compliment your coloring. I love the color pink but there is a reason you never see me in it. Pink on redheads does not look good. AT. ALL. Don't wear outlandish colors if you are not able to.

4. Dress your age. If you are 30- there is no reason your jeans should be low rise. If I can see your ass crack- you don't need to wear it.

5. Don't look like a clown when you walk out the door with make-up. Seriously. The less is more is true in make-up. No one I know that reads this blog is 21 anymore. There fore, our make-up should not reflect it. Unless we are in NYC or Miami out for the night. :) Then it's glitz and glam MAC style.

6. Shoes- they need to be kept simple. Stay away from the stupid outlandish styles. There are some out there right now that I question daily.

So... here is what I was thinking...

2010-01-25T12:37:00.002-06:00

I have been praying whether or not Matt and I should have another child. (Sidenote: I almost typed Matt or I should have another child. That would be a completely different blog post! Ha.)

I began thinking about everything and this is what I came up with.

Matt's car will be paid off in 2012.
Ethan will be 4 at this time and starting pre-K
We will not have daycare, granting Matt stays on the schedule he is on now.
This will save us over $1100/mo- which could in turn be put towards a house for us in the Hoover area. In turn meaning, Ethan will continue to be in a great school location and part of the city.

I know my reason for wanting another child is selfish. I want a little girl. This doesn't mean if I were to have another little boy, I would not love him just as much because I would. However, I long to have the moments I had with my mom with a daughter of my own.
I know I can still be just as close with Ethan- even now we are- he just won't wear pink tights. Ha.

I wish I could say I am okay with it. I'm not completely and totally but I know that I will be one day.

ATL!!

2010-01-18T09:55:00.004-06:00

Saturday morning we hit the road for my 30th birthday out of town get away. Matt bought me tickets to see Annie. He was not going to tell me. However, I am a great detective and figured it out by going to ticketmaster.com

After dropping Ethan off at Nana's; we hit the interstate. After driving what felt like forever. We arrived here. The Georgian Terrace. It was built in 1911. It is where Margaret Mitchell turned in the manuscript for Gone With the Wind(side note: One of my all time fave movies).

It is rich in history.
This place is absolutely wonderful. I will stay no where else but here anytime we are in town. The door greeter was the best part of the experience. He greeted everyone with Ma'm, Sir and for the little ones, princess and big guy. He told us upon arrival, "If you think for one minute we are here to spoil you, you are absolutely correct!" We checked in without any incidents and went to the room.

Our room looked exactly like this. We had a great window view of downtown Atlanta with the sky line and everything. It was a rainy day so we could see the skyscrapers hanging in the clouds and fog. The bed was soft and wonderful, at first. Not so much that night when we were attempting to go to sleep. The hotel went under reinovation not too long ago so everything is fairly new and oh so nice. Flat screen tv's. We almost missed out on chicken and waffles, more on that below, because we were caught up in a movie.
Before the show- we decided to get some dinner. I had seen this on the Travel channel on Man vs. Food ( one of our favorite shows to watch). It is called Gladys Knight (and the Pips) and Ron Winans Chicken and Waffles. Yes, you read correct. Chicken AND Waffles. OMGITWASTHEBESTTHINGIPUTINMYMOUTHEVER! All I can say about this is that Matt and I woke up Sunday still thinking about it. The wait was long but worth it. 4 huge jumbo chicken wings with a waffle. Pour syrup over both and it was like floating in heaven. Their menu was a tough one to decide from. Seriously- it took me awhile.

Even better than the dinner was being able to spend time with Heather, my gaytard, and her Matt (who I have grown up with since we were about 10-12 yrs old). Neither one of us knew we were going to be in ATL the same time until way after plans were booked.

I think this was completely a God thing. He knew that I needed time away with my husband and I also needed some time with friends who I love more than anything. That is exactly what I got. I am also jealous of the electric blue boy shorts Heather bought. After dinner, we had about 30 minutes to book it back and get dressed for the show....

Once we were dressed and all gussied up- we headed over to the Fox Theatre. I fell in love with this theatre. It is beautiful and from the 1920's. We found our seats and I started getting really excited- like a little girl. Matt said he knew I was enjoying the show because A. I was clapping before it even started. B. I was singing along to the songs OUT LOUD! Ha. I did not think I was singing out loud. Oh well. The play is not like the movie, Pune Jab (sp) was not in it. However, it was wonderful. It made me miss the theatre and being involved in it and supporting the arts.

I worked for a few years at the ASF (Alabama Shakespeare Festival)- I love the theatre.

After the show we were so tired and worn out that we just went to the room and watched movies.

Sunday we came on back to being mama and dada. I missed my pumpkin more than life itself but I had a wonderful time reconnecting with my husband. We plan on doing more trips like this- even if for a short weekend trip.

What was the best part of Sunday? Never ending pancakes at IHOP of course!!!!

(Yes- I am back on Weight Watchers this morning!!!!!)

Deep Thinking

2010-01-17T20:39:00.002-06:00

I was asked this past week and honestly asked myself... if the God I serve is a loving God why did this earthquake happen? Pat Roberson really did not help the cause either. Thanks but no thanks for me.

Honestly- I don't know.
I know what I want to say about it all but honestly, I am not sure I want to throw it out there. Not just yet.

I have been praying for a few things in particular lately.
One being that God will lay it on our hearts if it is meant for us to be parents to more than 1 child. We are by no means ready to support another child. However, I do feel it is something I should pray over and for. Instead of simply telling my husband, give me a baby and I will give you an XBOX. I wish I was kidding. I am not.
I do desperately want 2 children. However, if it isn't His will for us then I will obey.
The second thing I have been praying for is a "new" car. Does that make me selfish? I feel praying for something like that is selfish. However, I have been praying for safer transportation for me and Ethan when we are traveling. I have been praying for a car with more safety standards on it.
I was telling my mom the other day how weird I feel praying for something so selfish. However, something was said in Sunday school that just stuck with me. If you need it- pray for it.
I need it. So- I am praying for it.

What are you praying for?

Tomorrow I will post on our trip to Atlanta. Unfortunately, I did not take one single picture.

~ For my memory~

2010-01-12T21:00:00.004-06:00

Ethan went to bed this evening wearing his mittens and footy pj's. He refused to take them off. I had to record this memory.

Thoughts

2010-01-11T19:35:00.003-06:00

There are a lot of thoughts going through my mind right now. I used to just let them flow freely but it seems lately I try to censor what I say in my blog as to be sure not to offend anyone or if by chance anyone strolls on here from work or anywhere else.
I have had a horrible day today. I woke late, forgot to take conditioner out of my hair, my coffee spilt into my driver seat and I had to sit on my nice wool coat so I did not have poop butt going into work.
I have been slammed all day at work today. I am not complaining about being busy. I like being busy.
I only wish I had the proper sleep last night for the business of the day today.
Ethan is becoming more and more of a hand full. He likes to occasionally hit me or Matt. I am not sure what the proper punishment for this is yet. I can not pop him or spank him b/c that is pretty much what he is doing. I am thinking of maybe just getting a timeout stool for him to sit in the corner of the living room for things like this. My mom had a good idea of a spoon with a frown on it. Something to use in public or in minor acts of misbehaving. I do not like the yelling approach or the approach of doing something over and over. My mom used to carry a wooden paint stirrer. I knew when I saw this that I had better stop what I was doing at the time.

I had to make drastic changes on my facebook. I deleted a lot of people. I had to for my own livelihood. Is that how you spell that- more than likely not since I suck at spelling.
While at changing things I deleted a lot of people I no longer talk to or care to talk to. Do I really need the guy who sat behind me in English class who I have never spoken to on my friends list? No. Not really.
So- if I do not talk to you or find your status updates entertaining- off you went. Let's call it Winter Cleaning.

The Lent season is almost upon us. I was thinking yesterday that I may give up Facebook this year. To be honest, I am not sure what all Lent entails exactly. I could google it right now but to me, in what I can understand, it is the time you reflect on what sacrifices God and Jesus gave for your life, it is a time you come reflect on your relationship with the two. I know I am off base but that is how I understand it.
Which leads me to this. You can NOT believe in God without Jesus and expect that your place in eternity will be reserved. You will have a spot but I think it would be more in the blue handicap section.
It's kind of like showing up to the BYOB without the B.

My biggest fear in life is something like 2012 happening and civilization ending. Matt asked me last night am I scared it will happen in my life time? My response was, " It will happen but I will not be around for it." I truly believe that once the rapture happens- civilization will change drastically. I don't think it will be like everything is now. I mean, come on, Christ is freaking returning. You can not believe things will not change and you best believe I will be sure I am in his circle and not Sprints.

This weekend we are going to Atlanta. This is the first time we are going out of town without Ethan. Matt is taking me to see Annie the musical. Annie is my all time favorite movie and soundtrack too. I love it and will more than likely be singing along with it. I am looking forward to it but more so than that I am looking forward to the rest and "relaxation" that will be coming with it.

I feel I have rambled on enough. Later.

Bullets

2010-01-08T21:13:00.003-06:00

I have gained back the weight I lost.
I am going to weigh in tomorrow and back to the meetings.
I am wearing an eye patch b/c I have pink eye.
I don't like the colors black and pink together.
4 I's makes me look narcissistic.

Something happened on the way to life....

2010-01-06T12:30:00.003-06:00

Yesterday something happened. Something that I would not discuss here. However, it led me to wonder this question?

Do people not see Christ in me? Seriously.

I try to always smile at the stranger. I always try to be polite and friendly- in hopes it will lead them to do the same.

However, do the people that I see day in and day out not see Christ in me? Is it more important that strangers see it rather than people who see me more than my family?

It makes me wonder what others truly view me as. It saddens me. Honestly. To think I could be viewed as someone who would want to hurt someone else. I don't.

I my devotional Monday night and Psalms 91:2 really stuck out at me. I did not realize at the time just how much that verse would affect me less than 24 hours later.

Nooma

2010-01-03T16:48:00.002-06:00

This morning in Sunday School class we watched a Rob Bell video. I love Rob Bell. I know there is some controversy over him. Not sure why though.

I am honestly not sure what this particular video was about but I can tell you I walked away with something from it.

In order to live we have to eat or receive nourishment from the things that have passed so that we may have life. Such as a tomato, his reference not mine. While on the vine the tomato is being nourished and given life.
Once picked though from it's vine, it is giving us nourishment and life. Much more so than a Twinkies would do.

It kind of goes to the saying, you get out what you put in. I guess this is in every aspect of one's life. If I want to lose weight, I have to put more nourishing foods in less abundance in my body and give my body energy through exercise for it to work.

Such is as our life with Christ. We have to invest the time and discipline in order to receive His nourishment. I can tell you I have not done this at all in several months. I mean sure, I go through the steps. I go to church and listen to the Christian radio but I don't spend time with Him in His word like I should.

I need to stop giving into what clothes there are on sale, whether or not the new boot fashion will fit over my calves(they will not BTW) or whether or not we will ever have a house of our own and focus more on His word. I can GUARANTEE you that if I do that more, all of my needs will be met and even some of my wants.

I really love Rob Bell, I may look into his books. He has a lot to say that is worth hearing but nothing more worth hearing than what Christ has to say.

Good bye decade!

2009-12-31T19:54:00.002-06:00

To think 10 years ago tonight I was at a party on Gilmer Ave. with The Dirts playing, drinking screwdrivers and being way uncomfortable with so many people around. I was 19 years old.

This year I am sitting in front of our TV with a glass of wine. Married and blessed with a sweet little boy.

My 20's were horrible learning experiences in the beginning and were maturing and growing up and closer to my family and God.

I am looking forward to my 30's. Seriously. I am.

My resolution is to try to and be more active in my relationship with God and with my husband.
I plan to lose some weight. I was on track and then Christmas came and well I haven't been sooo good.

Bleh.

2009-12-28T20:25:00.002-06:00

I had a wonderful Christmas. Most importantly Ethan had a wonderful Christmas. It looked like Elmo threw up everywhere.

However, today. I am not feeling it. Maybe it's because I know my birthday is coming up. I mean, it isn't that I am HAVING a birthday. It's more along the lines of every year, it's not so great.
January 2nd is not a great day to celebrate. It isn't my momma's fault. I kind of just landed in her lap so to speak. She went in for a cavity and came out pregnant. Hahahaha.

I just wish I had those that gathered around for my day and celebrated it with me.

That and I feel very unappreciative.
Seriously I do.

It's okay though. I have comfy PJ pants on that I bought on sale and Matt's spaghetti made me feel better.

I will survive this week like any other week. Besides, I guess I should not expect too much, I am only turning 30.

Good bye to my 20's which were filled with drinking too much, drugging too much in the beginning then ending with a great husband, son and most importantly a God that shows his grace, love and mercy on me everyday.

I was immature in my spiritual, emotional and mental life. I was democratic in the beginning but then started leaning towards the right side of things. I have a republican mind with a democratic heart. I want to feed the hungry but not with my tax dollars. Hahahaha.

I have lost two of the most influential people on my life but have gained a relationship with my mother and father that I would not trade for anything in the world. I have a brother that I would move heaven and stars for.

So, in this past decade, it has been mixed with good and bad. I have grown, matured and definitely become more responsible.

I would not change anything about my past because it has helped build my life. I look to my 30's with open arms and an open heart because from here, it can only get better.

I try to play nice...

2009-12-21T12:25:00.002-06:00

Ethan is having his surgery Wednesday. I am hopeful it will go well and will be a breeze like last year!
I think the biggest problem will be he will not be allowed to have anything to eat or drink before the surgery. This boy wants his sippy or his "melk" as soon as he wakes up!

Back to the title of this post:
Really I do but sometimes others make it so difficult to play nice!
Please stop giving me reasons to have the sarcastic conversations running through my mind.

Christmas is a few days away. I can not believe it.
Next year, I really would like our families to come to an agreement that we(they) will not spend so much. Really by the time we buy just one item for everyone in both families- it is RIDICULOUSLY EXPENSIVE! If we were to spend $25 on each person, it would be $250. This is not including Ethan or ourselves. Just family. This is crazy to me.
I think we should honestly give to others. Does my dad need another Bama item? No. Does my mom need another coffee mug? No. Does Matt need more clothes? Well, yes, he does. Either new clothes or dry clean the ones he has.

I say we spend more time together like a PJ Christmas which I think we are doing with Matt's side this year and do something along Dirty Santa or a GC Dirty Santa where we can steal the other's gift cards and etc.
I say we spend time together and make memories instead of debt.

Honestly, my mom does so much for us during the year that I really don't like the idea of her getting me anything for Christmas.

Please pray it all goes well for Ethan and pray that our Christmas is a peaceful one and we are all able to remember exactly why we are celebrating Christmas. For He truly is the reason for the season.

Prize Prize Prize

2009-12-18T12:05:00.000-06:00

GO here and comment to win an awesome amazing prize. I would love to have it.

http://www.mycharmingkids.net/

Christmas Memories

2009-12-10T11:50:00.002-06:00

I feel horrible. I think I may be coming down with bronchitis. Ick. I hope not. I am looking forward to Christmas with my daddy and family on Saturday.

So… I am tagging all of my readers. Kristian- Kim- Kelly- Lu- Jenn… all of you.

What are your favorite Christmas memories and why?

I will start with mine. I have several.

CHRISTMAS MORNING PANCAKES- I don’t know when or why this started but every year for the past 5 or so years we have had pancakes for breakfast. I even made them last year. I don’t know what it is about them but it doesn’t seem like Christmas without them. Pancakes are also my favorite food. FYI.

I think the 1^st year Dwight and momma were married, she was given a fur coat. Well- that night- I went to sleep WEARING her MINK! Ha. She woke me up very upset but I think she couldn’t help laughing at me.

Since Matt and I have been together my favorite thing to do is buy Christmas ornaments each year to represent that year. When we put up our tree, we go through and look at each decoration and remember it. It brings out the child in us. His child is always out though.

I am looking forward to the memories we will make with Ethan. I know right now he is too young to fully comprehend the meaning of Christmas, baby Jesus or Santa. Starting next year - we hope to have Christmas morning at our own place with him as a family.

So what are your favorite things?

The Tebow Debacle

2009-12-07T11:22:00.000-06:00

If you read my blog on a regular basis you know I am an Alabama fan. This past weekend we beat, well stomped the crap out of, Florida. A team who I would say outside of Auburn is our next big rival.

We made Tim Tebow cry. I don’t know why he was crying on national TV. Could be because he lost his chance to take his team to the National Championship for his senior year. It could be because he did not play to his expections or the expectations others had on him. It could be that maybe he saw his chance od the Heisman fall to the side at the end of the game.

Point blank- we out played Florida by a landside. We came prepared and ready to play the hardest and toughest game of our season, or so we thought.

I think we played a great game and Mark Ingram deserved to do the “gator chomp” with his team mates.

However, what has ensued after the game is what I am most shocked about. On facebook people have been going at it left and right. My being christian has come into question as have my priorities in raising my son. Why? All because I thought it amusing that Tim Tebow was crying on national TV.

First- my friend said that people are ignorant and classless for laughing at him crying. Why? Because it is Tim Tebow- the media darling of NCAA football? Tim Tebow the great upstanding Christian young man who comes out with Bible verses on his face every game or Tim Tebow the Heisman winner and senior who just lost his last game?

I am tired of people treating him like a god- he isn’t. I am by no means discounting what he has done for bringing people to Chrsit. John 3:16 was the most looked up thing on Google in the National Championship last year. Think of how many people never knew that verse and had to look it up? Crazy huh?

I am very thankful that he did not sign with Shula that he always knew his home would be in Florida. Had he signed we more than likely would not have Saban. I will take Saban over Tebow anyday.

Said friend’s aunt started telling me how I was not Christian for laughing at him or finding it funny. WHAT? SERIOUSLY? I thought this was only folk lore. I did not know this truly happened. Wow!

Then yesterday I had a friend say that if we did not want our children/son’s to aspire to be like Tim Tebow then she had to question my priorities! WTF? I responded by saying that I completely disagreed. The person I should want my son to aspire to be like is not Tebow but Christ himself. I told her that Ethan would be able to choose his own path whether it be sports arts or nothing at all.

We would raise Ethan in the church but come 18 years of age, it was his decision which way he goes. I can only pray and hope that he chooses a life close to God and the church.

I was amazed that so many people agreed with her and what she said. Am I wrong for not wanting my son to put his faith and stock in someone who won some award and was a great athlete before he was even 2 years old? Someone who will more than likely end up on a Zaxby’s commercial?

Don’t get me wrong- I think Tim Tebow is a great QB. He has proven that over and over again. However, I am more than excited that on his last game of the season for the National Championship- it was Bama that handed him the platter with his ego on it.

He is a great Christian man with a strong faith and I can not wait to see what he continues to do outside of his mission work each summer.

Just on the field- he is someone I don’t like. J

2009-12-03T11:48:00.001-06:00

Send your own ElfYourself eCards

It seems like a year ago...wait it was a year ago

2009-12-02T20:12:00.002-06:00

We are going in 2 days before Christmas for E's 2nd set of tubes plus having his adenoids removed. They will also draw blood to test his bdy's ability to fight off illness.

Bleh. I am upset that we have to go through this again. Not upset because he will feel sooo much better but upset because I don't want him to ever have to deal with anything like this.

I was thanking God tonight for blessing me with him. I don't know what I did to deserve such a precious child. It also had me thinking how Mary must have felt. Can you imagine being the mother to the Saviour? Man- I wonder if baby Jesus ever threw temper tantrums. Hmm.

Like Whoa!

2009-12-01T12:46:00.002-06:00

I can not believe December, Christmas and most importantly the Advent season is here upon us. It seems it all just flew past us. Craziness.

I am a horrible mother- I have no pictures from E's Thanksgiving! Horrible I know.

I have plenty of Iron Bowl over on FB. It was amazing- everything I wanted it to be and more!

I have put my Christmas playlist up so visit the blog and check out the music!

I am not sure when we are going to decorate the house. We have to get a tree first. Ethan has his own tree in his room that he loves to watch as he falls asleep.

Please be sure to say a prayer for us. We go tomorrow to try and get to the bottom of his ear infections. We are at a lost for what we can do anymore. He developed a horrible rash from being on the medicine so long. Boo.

~thanksgiving weight~

2009-11-24T12:37:00.002-06:00

Oxymoron? Maybe.

This past week I found out just how many WW points are in each of my fave holiday items. For those who do not know, Weight Watchers system is a point system. Each food or food item has points. You, the person, are allowed a certain # of points daily based on sex, weight and excercise level.

The following are my favorite foods in a cup serving. A normal day I am allowed 26 points. Each week you are allowed 35 extra points to be used however you choose.

Turkey breast 1 ounce= 1 point
cornbread dressing= 9 points
Squash Casserole= 9 points
Green Bean casserole= 6 points
mashed potatoes= 6 points
sweet potato casserole= 9 points

dinner roll= 4 points

Pumpkin/sweet potato pie= 9 points for 1/8 slice
Pecan pie= 12 points 1/8 slice
chocolate layered cake= 15 points
german chocolate/coconut cake= 17 points

So- let's see, if I were to eat 3 oz of turkey breast and a cup of dressing, green bean casserole, sweet potato casserole and 2 dinner rolls that would = 35 points
Plus let's face it, I will try every piece of dessert so that would be an extra 20 points at least.

In order to lighten up my dinner but still enjoy it with everyone else I will cut serving sizes in half, eat breakfast(oatmeal) and I will stay with 1 dessert- pecan pie more than likely.
That will keep me at 24 points! Woot. Woot.

So, if I have oatmeal, the above dinner and say a turkey sandwich or a LQ turkey meal for dinner( of course I will have squash casserole too) then I will only go over by maybe 5 points for the day!

I am determined to lose at least a half pound to a pound this week. Plus, Friday in Auburn I will earn activity points with all of the walking around.

I WILL AND I CAN DO THIS!

Testing

2009-11-22T17:11:00.000-06:00

Irked.

2009-11-19T13:48:00.000-06:00

I seriously have a bone to pick- I am tired of feeling like the minority when it comes to being Christian. If I were to delete everyone on my FB who is not Christian- I would have few friends left. That is sad to me.

The thing that is sadder to me is that I can not speak my mind on anything less I want to go into argument about Christianity and how wrong I am for believing in Christ. It makes me sick. To. My. Stomach.

Even sadder than this is that Christians are being looked upon as stupid mean people who want to boycott Gap and it’s other companies because they refuse to have Christmas in it’s ads.

Being politically correct can kiss my Christian ass.

~Worth while blog post~

2009-11-17T09:53:00.003-06:00

Ethan last Friday.

Ethan a year ago- Bama v. TN game.

Ah- the holidays are upon us- I can not believe it. Absolutely can not believe that it was year ago already Ethan was having his first Thanksgiving. It is just absolutely ludacris.

I have grown to loath the holidays as I have gotten older and mainly married. In the past- now this is speaking only to the past- it has never been easy to please both mothers/families.

One will just be mad at you and give you the silent treatment and the other will give guilt trips. It is horrible and such a burden and strain on our marriage at the time.

This year- we still do not know where we are going.

I do know that the day after Thanksgiving- Friday- MY ASS WILL BE IN AUBURN FOR IRON BOWL! Yes folks- I am going to the Iron Bowl- my first one ever. It is going to be awesome- words can not describe how excited I am.

Yesterday-11/16- was a year ago that Ethan was baptized. My sweet little boy was brought into the church where we as parents promised to raise him in a Christian, loving home where he would grow to know Christ. The church pledged to help as well. In a weird way- with his Assistant Director at daycare being a member at RUMC-this is especially true. He is such a sweet boy and he has his tantrums here and there but I know if he had not been in Christian daycare then he may not be as sweet or polite or thoughtful. Just this morning he screamed mama and threw his arms around my legs. I mean it melted my heart.

Saturday also started my renewed journey of weight loss. I am actually attending Weight Watchers meetings now. I have to be accountable to someone- something- outside of Matt or my scales at home. So far- I am doing well. We shall see. For $40/mo I better do freaking awesome.

~Flash Backing~

2009-11-13T09:01:00.002-06:00

Christmas 2004- This was right before we left to drive 10 hours south back to Florida. This is my sweet grandmother and momma. Little did we know we would have only 1 Christmas left with grandmother.

I love and miss her so very much!

2009-11-09T12:54:00.000-06:00

Going on day 3 now of the mysterious virus- I hate them- there is not one thing I can do to make my son magically better.

Sure- there is tylenol/motrin which even now does not seem to be as effective as say yesterday and there is mommy’s lap and arms but they don’t make him my happy little punkin we all know and love.

I have been up since 330 am when Ethan woke. He refused his crib. Off to our bed we went. Well let’s just say that he doesn’t make the best bedmate. However, around 6 I noticed how extremely hot he was. Another 104 temp. DAMN IT MAN!

He is at Caring Corner at Blue Cross. Even after tylenol at 10 am his fever was still 101 and climbing it seemed. If his fever reaches above 103 then he can not stay there any longer. Great.

Ugh. The joys of sick children.

However- the one thing I do love- is when he lays there in my lap- looks up at me and smiles sooo big when I tell him I love him! Talk about heart smiles. J

We are also going to start a group- Elmo Anonymous. Other parents may relate to this. Yesterday was all about Elmo. He even wanted to hold his diapers because they had Elmo on them. The whole day was Elmo this- Elmo that.

In other good news- I was able to clean out my closet and bagged up spring/summer clothes and get out the fall/winter clothes. Just in time for near 80’s temps.

Swiney hiney

2009-11-07T18:23:00.001-06:00

So we went to After Hours when E woke with a 104.7 Dr said it is viral and more than likely swine flu. However they do not recommend tamiflu on children any more so we treat the symptoms, make sure he rests and stays hydrated.

Ya know even if he does have it- I would still not have gotten the vaccination for him.

I may get it since he has been wrapped around me or in my lap all day but that is fine. That is what mommy does.

Oh and the Ross's- we're coming for you in December. We know what to expect this year! ;)

~Flashback Friday~

2009-11-06T16:53:00.002-06:00

The above picture is of Matt and I taken Thanksgiving 2005. We were in Cape Coral, FL when his dad was visiting for the holiday. We were not even engaged at this point.

I don't show off Chomper enough on here. This is my sweet boy sun bathing on the back porch July 4th 2006. My daddy was visiting at the time. :)

Not so little anymore...

2009-10-26T14:21:00.000-05:00

my little pumpkin is not so little anymore. It is bittersweet now as he says no constantly. However- I know he is growing into a little boy who knows without a doubt how loved he is. It makes the no’s a little easier to handle.

This past month I lead our Sunday school in the mornings through the prayer requests, praises and opening prayer. Man- that takes a lot out of you, I have more respect for the people who do it Sunday in and Sunday out. However, it does hold you more accountable to yourself and also to god. If I am to help in leading this class- I have to be there on all levels- or at least attempt to be.

This study we are doing on parenting and raising a child to be a winner is honestly an eye opening experience in what we don’t need to do and things we have been doing correctly.

It has taught me to have more patience with Ethan as well as matt. After all- this is our first time being parents so we will make mistakes. However, at the end of the day as long as Ethan knows he is loved and cared for then everything else will work itself out.

Sonday live was a great experience, as usual. Contemp service at riverchase umc is so much better than traditional, in my opinion. I get a ton more out of the worship and the sermon. I love hymns. There is nothing better than a good hymn. However, sometimes the band can just absolutely lead you to a powerful worship experience.

www.sondaylive.org for more information!

(babies welcome-even ones who don’t like to be still! J)

We had trunk or treat yesterday- you can see pictures at facebook. It was wonderful. I had a ton better shots than I thought I would- even a good family shot. I can not believe it. I also found the camera I want in the hands of another woman, the Nikon d40. She let me hold it and see if I liked it! Hell yea I loved it!

Off to sing along with the radio… if I had a million dollars I would totally buy a llama!

2009-10-21T17:04:00.000-05:00

I can not believe that it has been 6 years since you left this world for our Eternal one.

You were a guiding hand in my life like no other. I miss you terribly sometimes. Mostly these days at night when I am rocking Ethan to sleep.

The occasional “Good Night Irene” I will give him when no one else is around.

As he gets older- he will know of his great granddaddy and the love he gave his family and how wonderful of a man he is and was.

One of those days

2009-10-14T15:55:00.000-05:00

It is just one of those days. I sometimes, well often times, feel as if I am lost in the shuffle of everyone else’s life.

It is gloomy outside and I am gloomy inside. I self sabotage myself for no apparent reason. My Dr. said in order to be a healthy weight range to start planning for the next child, I need to lose around 50-60 lbs.

I have no idea how to do this. I will have to start back on WW again. It is just so hard to count points and such when you really just eat here and there b/c you have a little one running around.

I DO NOT want to go through the NICU experience again.

It was my fault my sweet boy was in the NICU. It was my fault. I did not eat right, I did not pay attention to my blood sugar there fore, he wound up in the NICU.

Out of it came great things- one being my relationship with God. I have started to help lead our Sunday School class and I am loving it. I am great at leading- not so great at planning or following through. I can tell you what to do though.

I have completely fallen off the face of the Earth with FPM. I have to put my family first though. Right now, Matt and I are finally at a good place in our marriage, for the first time in our marriage it seems.

We are coming together as parents with and for Ethan.

Nicole

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2009-10-06T12:17:00.001-05:00

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